Warming up my hands with this mug filled with my favorite hot coffee. Pure bliss and peace fill me up! My self-care this morning looks like this ✨
Lately with how busy and fast everything is moving, I am being more mindful and appreciating the little things. I’m so grateful I can enjoy my coffee and look out the window this morning. Years ago I would’ve been rushing out the door to get to work. For that I am thankful.
What are you grateful for today? Try to capture little moments that bring you joy. Write about them in your journal this weekend🤍
When it comes to skin care products, there are shelves upon shelves and pages upon pages online of skin care products. It’s a lot being thrown at you and it may be hard to choose which products are right for you and what products will help with what. There is only so much I can fit in one post and I will try to touch on the most common situation. However, if you need more 1-on-1 help please email me and we can connect more! For now, start with this post because no matter your skin situation, you can still benefit from this post.
Shall we begin?
Step 1: CLEANSE
First things first you need a good cleanser. If you wear a full face of makeup you will need to double cleanse. Yes, this may mean two different cleansers or cleansing twice with one cleanser. The reason being is that many times you will have a residue of makeup left behind on your skin still so the rest of your routine isn’t going to do much to protect against the damage of the makeup sitting in your pores. You want your face completely clean and clear before moving on to the next step.
Charcoal & Tea Tree Face bar soap from PackageFreeShop – One of my fav clean beauty products! If you can’t find that specific kind on the website then definitely check out the other face bar soaps offered. You cannot go wrong with PackageFree Shop products!
Step 2: TREATMENT
This step isn’t necessary for all skin types. If you have no major skin issues that aren’t solved with a cleanse and moisturizer then you can skip this step. However, some people deal with breakouts, redness, blackheads, acne, etc. and that is where the treatment step will come into play. This is when it really depends on your problem area (again, you can email me for more help!).
Here are some products I recommend:
Niacinamide 10% from The Ordinary -for redness, blotchiness, hyperpigmentation, protects against sun damage (you should still apply sunscreen though), minimizes wrinkles and fine lines and creates a sort of skin barrier for protection. Honestly, this can be used by many people because of all of its benefits!!! I would say to ease into this product. Some people may experience a sensitivity like a burning sensation. I experienced this so now I use one drop (literally! You don’t need much!) and apply it to my face once a day or every other day to start. The burning sensation goes away after a minute and any redness it creates will subside as well and leaves your skin glowing. However, if it is burning a lot and it doesn’t subside after a minute even after using less of the product then I would discontinue use. Currently I only use niacinamide under my eyes (for fine lines) and around my nose and mouth area (for redness/blotchiness)
Hyaluronic Acid from The Ordinary– The perfect addition to your routine if you need a little extra moisture and love for your skin. Everyone can benefit from a little extra hyaluronic acid to keep their skin looking hydrated and plump. Some even reported having younger looking skin after consistently using it for a month.
Salicylic Acid for imperfections and blemishes from Sephora – for breakouts, blemishes and pimples. This comes in different treatment forms, but the one I use is from Sephora. It’s more of a spot treatment, so when I’m breaking out, noticing some blackheads or to get rid of the sun spots on my nose I will use this product. Some people may need to use salicylic acid more often to treat more severe breakouts and control acne. They even make cleansers with this ingredient already in there so if you struggle with breakouts on your face definitely look into a cleanser with salicylic acid (not for daily use, can be harsh) and/or a salicylic acid treatment product to include in your routine. Unfortunately this one isn’t on Amazon so you’ll have to check Sephora directly.
OrganicJojoba Oil- this one is my little secret. I add this after my treatment and before my moisturizer. I used to just use this oil as a moisturizer, but I found that the moisturizer applied after the jojoba oil really sealed in the moisture. There are a number of benefits for using jojoba oil such as reducing wrinkles, preventing acne, healing, anti-inflammatory properties and of course extra moisture without the excess oily skin look. It is safe to use daily but if your skin is on the oily side I would use it every other day.
STEP 3: MOISTURIZE
This step is so important!!!! No matter how soft or moisturized your skin seems, never skip this step! This is where everything you just did to your skin gets locked in and absorbed into your skin and pores. There are soooo many options for moisturizers, but it’s best to keep it simple and focus on what your skin needs.
If you have no clue what to use here are some suggestions to start with…
CeraVe moisturizing Cream– At first sight this cream seemed super thick but a little goes a long way (so if you get the tub, it will last you a long time).
Organic Jojoba oil- Yupp I’m mentioning this liquid gold again. Some say you can’t use an oil as a moisturizer, but I beg to differ because I did it for two years before I started using the CeraVe moisturizer and my skin cleared up so nicely!! Although I didn’t have many skin issues besides some redness and occasional breakouts.
STEP 4: SPF/SUNSCREEN
A routine is not complete without some sunscreen! I guess on rainy days you can skip this step, but overall sunscreen is an absolute must if you want to protect your skin from sun damage, sun spots, sunburns, early signs of aging, the list goes on. Do yourself a favor and get a good sunscreen for your face. The sunblocks you get for your body probably won’t be the best for your face because of how heavy and greasy they tend to be. The ones made for your face tend to have a lighter application.
The one and only sunscreen I use on my face:
Bliss sunscreen tinted SPF 30. Maybe even a stronger SPF – I loveeeeee this sunscreen for my face. It’s tinted and leaves my skin with a smooth matte finish. I’ve never had any breakouts or sensitivity (I have sensitive skin), it doesn’t feel heavy on my skin, and it comes in a small travel size to try it out before committing! Although you’ll probably love it anyway. If needed, get a higher SPF!
So how are you feeling about creating your skin care routine?! If you benefited from this blog post please let me know in the comments or share it with a friend! However, if you are still lost on where to start or whether or not a product is right for you, I’d love to chat and try to help you out! Just shoot me a message or email!
Now go be great!
*This post contains affiliate links. It costs you nothing extra but it helps support a family behind this business as well as you. I do not recommend anything I don’t truly believe in!
We need to talk about the real meaning of “self-care” because it has turned into such an overused word that is beginning to change the true meaning of it. Sure many self-care practices involve bath bombs, skin care routines, yoga etc. but the more vital part of self-care is why you’re doing it, how it makes you feel and how it’s helping you improve yourself worth, self love and confidence. There’s more to self care than bath bombs.
Self-care is building an unbreakable bond between your mind, body and soul.
Janice Avilla @strengthscripted
I don’t make self-care a priority because it’s fun and trendy. I make my self-care a priority because it fills my cup up. It gives me energy to tackle the day. It lifts me back up after a long hard day. It makes me feel worthy of being loved by myself, not others. It makes me happy. I do it for ME. I do it for my son. Because when I take care of myself, I’m more happy and at ease and I can give my best to my son and the people around me.
Practicing self care regularly has allowed me to connect more deeply with myself. I am more in tune with my mind and body. I can read the signs my body is giving more clearly. I know when my period is coming, estimate when I’m ovulating, and recognize that certain pain in my body is my mind trying to distract me from something bigger. I can identify the emotions I’m feeling and help myself process those feelings accordingly. My anxiety has gotten better because I can organize my thoughts and determine whether they are rational or not. I have created my own inner happiness that is untouched by my environment. All because of my commitment to self-care
Society and big brands trying to sell you their products slap the “self-care” word all over their marketing and hope people will fall for it. Influencers claim if you use their essential oils or bath bomb then you will feel so much happy and fulfilled because of this self care act. In reality, people need to look within and find what you actually need to feel fulfilled. Everyone’s self care needs are different and no one can tell you what YOU need to do for self care to fill YOUR cup up and improve YOUR self love. If you don’t like to take baths then what good are bath bombs gonna be? What works for some might not work that well for you.
My biggest advice for beginning your actual self-care journey is to journal. Write down anything that comes to mind, everything that makes you happy, things you love, things you want to do someday, your goals, dreams, desired lifestyle, etc. etc. Just write. You will get to know yourself in your journal and begin building your self-care routine that’s catered specifically to you. It’s much more special when you build your own routine. I would check out The Self Love Journalthat I created to help you get started. It’s a workbook style PDF with journal prompts, self care planner etc to help guide you on your journey. [Check the shop tab on top or click the link above]. It’s what helped me so much on my own journey so I worked really hard to put a book together to share with others. When I began this journey I was alone and didn’t know others who were interested in anything self-care (explains all the burnout in the workplace), but you don’t have to feel that way because I am here for you! My mission here is to create a community for women who are all on their self-care/love journey that can share their experience and advice to others and help build each other up. If you’re interested in joining the group chat, please comment below or email me directly [check the contact tab] so I can add you. It’s a secure and private chat vetted personally by me!
Lastly, I hope that this post has resonated with you and has given you the motivation to make self-care a priority to you. If you’re still feeling a bit unsure, join the chat and start there or purchase the The Self Love journal to get started. But you don’t really need any of these, just yourself. You got this!!! One stepping stone at a time.
When I started grounding, I did not go into it open minded. I thought it was a silly weird thing to do or even to believe it will actually affect you. I was young, always on the go, hanging out all night, work, school, friends, boyfriend, dogs etc. You name it! I was full of stress and anxiety. I didn’t think it changed anything for me besides now my feet are dirty!
Fast forward to almost three years ago, I was a new mom, doing it all alone while my husband worked long hours, my baby was colic with reflux, my dog passed a month after my son was born, and I was pouring from an empty cup that had a small leak to begin with. I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety and was prescribed medication- which I refused to take. I hated the thought of needing medication to feel like myself (no shame in taking medications though! I’m just more of a natural healer). I was also still (trying) to breastfeed- which was a whole other major stressor for me. I just didn’t feel like medication was right for me. So, I tried finding other ways to help- I attended mom groups and playdates with other moms going through similar things, and I did some research because I felt like there was more that was missing from my life that could help me feel better than what I was feeling. I felt so lost and alone. I felt out of touch with my life. It all felt so different and … painful.
Along with this technique, I also performed other self-care things as you will read in my other blog posts here, like journaling, yoga, and creating a skin care and hair care routine.
Grounding was the first thing I learned about when embarking on this spiritual journey. Another name for it is “Earthing” which is when you are electrically reconnecting to Earth through touch. Doing this consistently can help you feel more relaxed, grow to be more authentic to your body and soul and to be open to receiving Earth’s nourishing energy. Grounding also helps you be more present, feel secure in your own skin and in your life, gives you better sleep, reduces pain, inflammation and stress as well as improves your immunity by neutralizing the free radicals in your body (which are created by some type of infection or inflammation in the body, stress or toxic environment).
How to effectively ground yourself physically is to go outside bare feet and just stand, walk or even lay down on the ground. It can be grass, stone, sand, or dirt! It’s even possible to keep your socks on because they are conductive and will still transmit the Earth’s healing energy through to you. Be open minded and ready to accept what Earth has to give to you.
Spiritual grounding is another game changer- some of which can actually fall into the self-care category!! You may already be doing it!
Some ways that I ground spiritually- which brings me physical and emotional balance is:
Clean food & lots of water- Lots of green foods!
Yoga and exercise- I follow what my body needs and wants. Some days I skip if I need a day off. But be sure to identify when you need a day off and when you need some more motivation.
Spend time with my house plants and garden. I really love planting new seeds- THAT’S where the magic happens (to see the growth from a seedling to full bloom) but caring for my plants daily has honestly added so much to my life.
Meditation – I usually do this first thing in the morning for 5-10 minutes and again at night if I feel I can benefit from it. (I incorporate this after I do my journaling & mind dump)
Salt baths- Epsom salt is great (especially for any swelling or inflammation) as well as Himalayan salt.
Go out in nature! A quiet walk, hike, or just sitting outdoors and clear you mind and completely immerse yourself into the sounds, smells and sights of nature.
Eat chocolate!!! Yes, you read that right! Chocolate! But don’t run to the store and buy every chocolate bar and eat your heart out. It has to be raw organic chocolate! Dark chocolate is the next best thing.
Breathwork! This one is new to me, but I have instantly felt the results after each session. Who would’ve known that our breathing can affect us so much! Seriously check out Sam Skelley on Instagram or listen to her podcast or just search breathwork on YouTube.
So how do you feel about Grounding/Earthing now? Are you open to trying it? Have you already done it? Share your story with me! Or share this with a friend who may benefit from it!
I am back and feeling good! How are you?! I hope everything is going great where you are. I hope when you’re reading this that you are in some comfy pajamas, curled up on the couch, got a warm cup of tea or wine- whatever you are feeling this evening, and ideally you have a candle lit as well, creating a nice and cozy vibe. After a long week, it’s time for you to sit back, relax and read helpful ways to improve your skin care with clean beauty products thus improving your self-care routine because that is the goal here- fulfilling our self-care needs. Which, by the way, did you know there are like 8 categories of self- care?? We are most familiar with physical and emotional self-care. That’s the bath bombs, yoga, meditation, journaling, skin care routines, etc. However, it’s important that there is more to self-care than that. There are other areas of your life that also need nurturing. There is physical, emotional, psychological, social, professional, environmental, spiritual and financial self-care. It seems like a lot, but it’s all about balancing and maintaining these areas in your life. We can get more into it in another post (let me know in the comments if you’d like me to write a post on this!).
Moving on, I wanted to share my top 3 favorite skin care products that are perfect for those who don’t know where to start when it comes to their skin care routine and for those who are looking for a cleaner beauty product to swap your current product with. Since I’m all about using products without any harmful and harsh ingredients, most of the products I recommend are usually safe for most skin types. I’m all about keeping your routines simple so that you can stay consistent!! If you have a 7-step skin care routine, you’re probably not going to be as consistent as you should. So, I want to recommend 3 products to get you started. A cleanser, a moisturizer and a salve (for lips and lashes!). As time goes on and you have a solid routine, then you can start adding or removing certain products and really fine tuning your personal skin care routine based on your skin type and needs. Okay, lets get into it!
First one up is the tea tree and charcoal face bar soap! My cleanser! The perfect cleanser for most skin types- seriously. I paid $12 for this soap and it lasts MONTHS. It smells reallyyyy good as well which is always a plus during self-care. Fragrance in products is so harmful so when you get natural fragrance from clean beauty products, I always see that as a WIN WIN! Anyways, this soap is gentle enough to use daily and doesn’t leave your face feeling dry like other face cleansers that I have used do. I literally feel like I don’t need to put moisturizer on afterwards! But don’t be silly, apply that moisturizer!!!!!
Number twoooo!! Moisturizer! Again, use your judgment here! I use organic jojoba oil on my face daily after cleansing. I honestly do not cleanse every day because I don’t feel like my skin needs it (it’s on the sensitive side!) so I only use cleanser 3-5 times a week, however, I rinse my face with cold water every single day then apply the organic jojoba oil very lightly. I only pour a tiny amount into my palm then use my finger and basically dip it and gently rub into my skin. A little goes a very long way here. You don’t want to plaster your face with oil because it’ll feel too heavy and suffocated. Any excess can be rubbed into your neck and chest area. Don’t forget to include this part of your body in your skin care routine because it’s one of the first things that age in women so show it some extra love now.
Last but not least, organic salve! I know what you’re thinking, what in the world is salve?? Is that what you put on cuts?! Okay, yes it can be. However, salve can be used for so much more than small scrapes. I have replaced my lip balm with organic salve, and it leaves my lips nice and smooth and shiny, and it doesn’t build up in the corners like chapstick does sometimes. No one has time for that white build up on your lips after reapplying the chapstick that keeps drying out your lips. Yes, you read that right! There are literally ingredients in your chapstick that dries out your lips so that you must reapply- the more you use the more you buy. Save yourself some time! I even found that it gives my lashes a boost when I apply a little salve to them then brush them with a lash brush. Be sure to gently wash your lashes in between uses. (YouTube simple ways to clean your natural eyelashes). You can use salve for many things, but I really love using it on my lips and lashes.
Three super simple products that can really give you the boost you need. Check my other blog post titled “Simple and effective ways to enhance your natural beauty without adding any makeup!” for some straightforward tips on skin care and lash care using the jojoba oil and salve as well as other products you may or may not already have! Click the link to check it out. In the meantime, I hope you benefited from this post!! I hope that it has made you feel more confident and in control of your skin care routine. Little by little you will learn the needs of your skin and know which products will work for you. It’s a journey as well as a trial-and-error process so do your best to not feel overwhelmed about it. Just take one step at a time! You do not need to have it all figured out! You got this! As always, I’m here for you!! So if you have any questions just shoot me a message! (Check the contact tab for my info and social handles).
Hiiiii! Hope you are doing fabulous and you’re weekend is full of relaxation, laughter and peace.
I wanted to share with you my latest video I created on TikTok! I’ve made a few videos in the past but this is my first one in a while! Should I keep making more like this? Try something different? Or should I just stay off TikTok?? I wanna hear what you think! I honestly really enjoyed creating these kinds of videos and would like to do more if you guys like them!
Check it out below!
If you wanna follow me on TikTok my handle is “StrengthScripted”!! Follow me and I’ll follow back 🤍
Sometimes awful situations lead us to great things.
Please set your triggers to the side and read this post with an open mind and heart. I’m going to talk about a rough phase in my life that I am still healing from till this day. I will spare the details for maybe a future blog post(s), but for now I just want to share when self-care became a vital part in my life and how it got me out of the dark place I was in for so long.
It was my first year being a mom. A time I expected to be one of the happiest and joyful times in my life, but instead was filled with stress, anxiety, anger, and pain. A lot of pain. The following 3-4 years weren’t much different. In fact, it got worse. I will sum it up by saying one thing… I was suffering from abuse in many forms by a loved one. At the same time dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety. I was forced into a very dark place, and I had no idea what was happening. Life just passed me by. I was always so sad and hurt that I couldn’t enjoy my new baby or motherhood. I viewed myself in such a negative way it was heart shattering. I didn’t believe I was worthy enough of anything. I literally thought I looked “disgusting” with the extra baby weight and stretch marks. I would speak to myself so harshly when I made simple human mistakes.A lot of this was just me repeating what has been said to me so much that I started to identify as it.
I am so thankful to my doctor for noticing signs of postpartum depression from me because she was the one who referred me to this awesome therapist. Unfortunately, I withheld the part of spousal abuse when I spoke with her every week. Again, I identified with the things he was saying to me, so it was easy to claim them as my own words. So, she had no idea what I was going through and thinking back now I regret not telling her because she probably could’ve helped me more. However, during one of our sessions she asked me, “What are you doing for self-care?” I literally had to ask her what exactly falls under self-care because I cannot remember the last time I did something for myself besides taking a quick 10 minute shower, especially as a new mom. (btw a shower is a basic life necessity, not your self-care for the day!) I had no time, energy, or desire to do anything for myself after finishing all my mom and wife duties. But she goes on to say, “you cannot keep running on E. You have to fill your tank up too so that you can be the best mom and wife.” So I say, “Okay, I get that. But how do I even fit doing things for myself with my busy schedule? I don’t even see it being worth my time or effort.”
That’s where the problem was. I didn’t see self-care as being worth the time and effort which truly meant I didn’t see myself as important enough to care for. I didn’t value my needs and wants. I didn’t see the importance of my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellness. I needed to completely shift this mindset I had about myself because it was so damaging and extremely limiting. This kind of thinking kept me in this dark bubble. A dark comfy bubble. It didn’t allow me to grow or to even be mindful enough to see the signs my body was giving me. This kind of mindset kept me numb and going through each day looking forward to bedtime.
After talking more with my therapist, I realize I’m going to have to do some real work if I want a change in my life and to find the joy in things again. The first step was incorporating different forms of self-care into my life at least 1-2 times per week. This came in the form of journaling, yoga, doing my makeup, skin care, coffee outdoors, walks by the water, taking care of my natural hair, writing, and some other things I cannot remember right now. It was over the course of several years that I started these self-care habits so don’t think I began doing all of these things the next day. Journaling is the very first thing I started doing. I have always loved to write so this one was kind of easy for me to start. If you don’t make it easy or fun, you won’t be motivated at all to do it. Makeup was tough because I was limited on time, but it was something I really enjoyed doing before I became a mom so I would try to do my makeup whenever I could. Then I ran into skin care issues from wearing the makeup so naturally I transitioned to skin care and clean beauty products as a part of my self-care. I chose Sundays as my mini spa day where I would do hair and face masks (usually DIY from Pinterest) and eventually started painting my nails as well.
I just found things to do that brought me happiness, even if it was super small. I felt really good after doing my morning skin routine and going through the week with my nails painted. The more I noticed positive results from doing these self-care tasks, the more I wanted to do them. Whether it was feelings of happiness and being proud that I checked off self-care from my to-do list or seeing physical results from doing the yoga, walking and exercising and even my clear skin, I wanted to keep doing it. It made me feel good about my appearance, yes, but it made me feel so damn good inside at the same time. I felt worthy again. Like I deserve so much better. Self-care gave me a new perspective on life. It helped me crawl out of the depression hole and appreciate and love myself from the inside out, no matter what outside influences say. It made me realize how poorly I have been treating myself, how much I have been suffering and how much I have been suppressing my emotions as well. I was no longer numb to life.
If you related to anything I said, even if it was just one statement. I urge you to start taking self-care more seriously. Do things for you unapologetically with no regrets. Love all of you and pour into yourself consistently so that you can continue to pour into everyone around you. Self-care is defined by how you want to define it. My definition is taking care of all of you in every way necessary because you matter so damn much. Regardless of what, your presence in this world matters and you are here for a purpose!!
Continue to follow this blog for all things self-care, self-love and mental wellness.
How do you find happiness in the midst of chaos? We know that happiness comes from inside… but it is so hard to not allow other people around you to affect your happiness. Especially if they are very negative people with bad energy or if they treat you poorly and make you feel awful about yourself. It’s hard to not believe something if someone is constantly repeating it to you.Your environment plays a big role in your happiness and mindset.
The way you speak to yourself is SO vital in combating any negativity that has entered your mind. Speak positively to yourself all the time! When you find yourself thinking ugly thoughts about yourself immediately distract that thought with something else. That is not really YOU talking so you have full permission to shut that voice up. It’s taking valuable head space away from you. So make sure you are “washing” those negative thoughts away with positive thoughts and change the narrative.
I heard this analogy before and I love it so if you’re a visual person like myself you may find it useful. Think of your brain like a cup of clear water. When dirty water (negative thoughts) gets inside it starts to cloud the clean cup of water. So in order to get that water clean again, you have to pour clean water (positive thoughts & self talk, inspiration etc) into the cup as many times as you need to to flush that dirty water out. Same with your brain. You watch a few upsetting videos on social media, now you feel a bit down. Ever notice that? Sometimes you can even feel it in your body! That’s when it’s your job to step in and fill your mind with other things that will make you feel happy, strong, ambitious, etc.
When you make a mistake, be more understanding!! Instead of calling yourself “stupid for not doing xyz” or “so selfish and careless for forgetting that thing.” Try spinning it around. Instead say, “it stinks I forgot xyz but no worries next time I will find a way to remind myself better.”
Just like when you are trying to change something about yourself, like I mentioned in previous blog posts, it’s a mindset game – you repeat it to yourself until you believe it for yourself. This goes for both positive and negative things. If you are constantly saying, “I’m broke”… guess who will most likely stay that way? Same goes for if someone is constantly telling you how “worthless” you are- even if you don’t want to admit it or maybe you don’t even realize, but that sits in your subconscious mind and it will manifest.
Talking down to yourself after a mistake doesn’t correct the mistake and it most likely won’t prevent another one. You have to forgive yourself! There might be a reason you’ve been so forgetful lately (lack of sleep, stress, etc.) or a reason why you have no energy to get all the things done (no self-care, burning out, overwhelm etc.). It’s important to pay attention to your body and the signs your body tries to give you.
Be more mindful next time you are on social media, chatting with a friend or relative that likes to gossip, etc and think about how you feel afterwards. Do you feel some joy? Energized in some way? Sad and unmotivated? Are the negative thoughts you had during that time still in your mind for a few hours after or maybe the rest of the day? Once you realize what you feed your mind has control over how you feel and your mood then YOU have the power.
You are in control of the company you keep. You are in control of the shows and videos you watch. You are in control of what music you listen to. All of these influences are outside, but are still in your control- so be very mindful of this. Create a life you desire, whether that’s full of positivity, surrounded by great people, etc. Take the actions to start manifesting it. If you want to be surrounded by kind people, put yourself in positions to meet these kinds of people. Join a book club, go golfing, go to museums, find a church that vibes with you etc. If you want more positivity in your life then cater to that. Tweak your social media timelines and accounts you follow to show things that bring you happiness, joy and laughter, write affirmations and positive quotes on sticky notes and hang them around your home or create a wallpaper for your phone with these affirmations and quotes. Simple acts like these can be more beneficial than you realize.
What kind of life do you want to create for yourself?
I honestly don’t know where to start with this one because it’s still so fresh… My father is still currently battling alcoholism and has since I was a baby. I’ve begged him to stop drinking since I was a child. By the age of 16 I knew there was nothing I could do or say that would make my dad stop drinking and using drugs. I was a daddy’s girl and was very protective over my dad which caused me to enable him. I would say things like, “Yes dad, have a beer, but only one.” “Please don’t sniff that line dad, just have some beer instead.” But I also have to remember that regardless of if I gave him ‘permission’ to drink or not, he will find a way to do what he wants. There were times where he lived with me (as an adult), and I had rules to how drunk he could get because I have had enough of dealing with my drunk father growing up. I want to help him, but I also have to protect my mental health as well. Knowing damn well that having my alcoholic father live with me while he still abuses alcohol and drugs was never good for my mental health to begin with, but there was no way I would allow my dad to be homeless. He has been in and out of rehab and only lasted several months before he relapsed and went back to his old ways. Nothing was going to stop my dad until he wanted to or until he was forced. I want to mention that my dad is an army veteran with PTSD and other mental health issues like depression and anxiety, so he turns to alcohol to numb his pain and wash away his worries. He realizes that it’s only a temporary fix, so he decides to start drinking from the time he wakes up until he goes back to sleep. Like clockwork.
It took me a while to realize that I was enabling my dad, but I felt like out of all the crap people in my dad’s life that take advantage of him and never help him out, I felt like my dad needed someone like me in his life. This was how I felt. He knows he can always come to me because I have nothing but love for him. Yes he has hurt me a lot with his addictions, but I have forgiven him and his illness because he too has had a hard upbringing. We have to remember that our parents also had a childhood and a life before us. Unhealed, our childhood traumas follow us into adulthood. I try to picture people as a child to understand them better. Everyone needs someone with some empathy in them to understand just a glimpse of our lives and traumas. Sometimes an abuser just needs to know they aren’t alone, that they do have something to live for and that someone in this world does love them.
My dad has continued to try to get clean. He has significantly reduced his drug use over the years, but alcoholism has continued to haunt him. He has realized that his drinking is starting to affect his body and organs. Right now he is dealing with several medical issues associated with his drinking and unhealthy living habits. With the help, guidance and love of God and reading the bible, my dad has put in a real effort to change his life around. He doesn’t want to hit rock bottom again and lose everything like he did 12 years ago. He has worked too hard and I believe God still has a purpose for him here because of everything terrible he has gone through, he is still alive. Recently my dad has had a major surgery and is scheduled for another surgery in a month. He now has no choice but to stop drinking and abusing his vessel that God has blessed him with.
I’ve learned from dealing with my dad that either they will decide to stop drinking or it will be decided for them one way or another. We have to remember that we cannot force our parents or loved one to stop drinking and using drugs if they do not want to put the work in to actually quit and fight temptations. We also have to remember that it isn’t our fault they are like this and that this disease is not truly who they are. They are a different person under the influence. They are hurt and broken inside and are finding a way to numb it. Many won’t admit, some will acknowledge it. It’s important to protect your mental health and energy and remind yourself that they do love you under all of the rage of alcohol and/or drugs. I am still healing from the trauma around my dad’s alcoholism and drug addiction. All we can continue doing is pray to God that he will save them and guide them onto the right path to Him. Leave all of your burdens at God’s feet and watch Him work
I hope someone reading this that is dealing with something similar can take something away from this post. I don’t have it figured out and the only psychology background I have is some college classes. I just wanted to share my personal opinions and reflections I’ve made over many years of living with this. Thank you for reading 🤍
It is time to start embracing your natural appearance!
I can picture her now. The little girl with super frizzy curls whose parents had no idea how to care for them. Years of brushing my dry curls, adding no products, no nutrients or moisture and lots and lots of ponytails. Then middle school hit, and the crunchy gel covered curls were in, but my hair was so unhealthy, brittle, lacking significant moisture, and my curls were wavier so my ‘curls’ didn’t look like the other girls. I hated my hair with a passion. It wasn’t until high school when I got a hold of my first flat iron. FORGET ITTTTT. CURLS WHERE?!
Oh, this straight hair gave me LIFE. It gave me more confidence and gave me a new look. But looking back at it now, this confidence felt more superficial. Hidden under a face of makeup and a flat iron. I felt fierce asf though don’t get me wrong but at the end of the day I was tired of this ‘look’ I had to keep up with daily. It was heavy on my heart and felt very inauthentic to my core. I didn’t feel beautiful in my own skin, and I knew that was something I needed to work on. It wasn’t healthy to live this way because if I didn’t love myself then who would? Self-love is the most important kind of love.
Women need to realize that we set the standards for how we want to be loved by someone else.
Moving forward, I decided to put down the flat iron and wear my hair natural. I am not going to lie to you, it was very hard for the first 6 months to a year as I learned how to wash, style, and sleep with my curls, and which products are good for my hair and each of their purposes. Man, it is a lot of work to manage a head of curls!! But I am sooo happy I did it. Fast forward a couple years to the current day of me having healthy, defined, bouncing coiled curls!!! My confidence took a huge leap! It wasn’t until I learned to love my appearance without makeup and a flat iron that I reached true self love. The biggest lesson I learned was that we are all so beautiful in our own unique ways. All we have to do is be kind to ourselves, focus on what we love about ourselves, nurture our mind, body & spirit, and create your own personalized self-care routines for your hair and skin. Simple care goes a long way. When you show yourself appreciation, it will repay you double. A happy you is a successful you.
Treat your natural hair and skin like a flower and help it to flourish.
However, as the years went on and I adopted a journaling practice, I realized that my confidence and self-love was more than just my hair. It was about loving exactly how God created me. Every imperfection was made perfectly in His eyes. He made no mistake. Now it’s our job to love every bit of ourselves, His creation. Why try to change your appearance to look like the rest of the world?! There is no one in this world like YOU. No one talks like you, thinks like you, cares like you, or creates like you. Sure, call it cliche, but cliches are usually TRUE! THERE IS ONLY ONE OF YOU!!!! So act like it.