protecting your peace – Strength Scripted

What my self care looks like this morning…

Warming up my hands with this mug filled with my favorite hot coffee. Pure bliss and peace fill me up! My self-care this morning looks like this ✨

Lately with how busy and fast everything is moving, I am being more mindful and appreciating the little things. I’m so grateful I can enjoy my coffee and look out the window this morning. Years ago I would’ve been rushing out the door to get to work. For that I am thankful.

What are you grateful for today? Try to capture little moments that bring you joy. Write about them in your journal this weekend🤍

Hope you have a fabulous weekend! xo, J

Dealing with difficult family members. Where do we set the boundary? When do we cut people off?

An open communication about toxic dynamics and putting yours and your family’s mental health & happiness first. Let’s get into it!

Everyone has a difficult relative or three. No family is perfect and that’s totally normal. But there is a point where you need to set healthy boundaries for these relatives in order to keep your mental health in check and happiness as a priority. Let me tell you, this is not an easy thing to do whatsoever and feelings may get hurt, but it’s necessary! You cannot let toxic people keep draining you just because they are family. You shouldn’t have to continue seeing and interacting with someone who makes you feel shitty or bad in any kind of way just because they are family. In my book you must earn the title- blood or not.

However, what about if it’s the children in your family that are the difficult ones? Personally, it’s easy for me to cut off an adult from my life if they’re affecting my (or my child’s) happiness and wellbeing in a negative manner or if they are constantly draining me mentally and taking but never giving. But children? I’ve never really had to deal with this so I’m very torn right now. Okay, let me explain.

I have a niece and nephew (10 and 13 years old) who had and still have a tough upbringing which involved physical abuse. I even tried to adopt them and raise them on my own to provide a better life for them, but the parents didn’t want to give them up although they couldn’t provide for these children whatsoever. There were other children in each parent’s house from the step parents. (my brother and his girlfriend and her children. My brother’s ex and her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s children.) Very blended toxic families. All of these children deserve so much better than what they are receiving. However, that isn’t the point. The point is that because of the rough upbringing, these kids behave in a way that is “expected” from abused children who had to share every single thing with other kids, were hit on a daily basis, didn’t have much toys or anything for themselves, etc. They have bad attitudes, awful language & tone when speaking to others, very little patience, no respect for other adults, never wanting to share what they have, tantrums if they don’t get their way, etc. Not saying every abused child acts this way, some who weren’t abused behave this way! But I’m just saying this is what I have observed from them. It sucks and I really wish it was different. As an adult, I can deal with them and correct them in a loving way which isn’t a problem for me. I know these children need guidance and all the love they can get. But the problem I am having is having my 5 year old son around them.

My son is growing up in a much different way than my niece and nephew. We do a mix of gentle parenting, we talk respectfully to each other, respect each other’s feelings, we are kind and caring. My son is the sweetest, gentlest kid who’s big on expressing his emotions and he loves talking to other people and kids. He’s a huge talker! I’m very selective with the cartoons my son watches, the types of things he’s exposed to, etc. I homeschool him so I have a lot more control of his environment which is awesome because I can protect him from things my parents couldn’t protect me from. I was bullied many times throughout my school years, but the bullying first happened by my cousins. Our parents called it harmless playing, but the mean things they have said and done to me has affected my childhood and even adulthood greatly, but no one wants to talk about it. Sometimes our family is our first bully in life which really sucks. Your family ‘should be’ your go-to. The ones that will always share some kind words with you, be a listening ear or just enjoy time together, etc. So when your family treats you a certain way that’s hurtful, that cuts deep!!

So the issue I am having is, bringing my son around my niece and nephew. The last few times we spent the day together it was always filled with unnecessary meanness and bad attitudes. They don’t have much patience for my son, don’t listen to him talk (because they’re glued to their phones or doing something else or literally don’t care, yes they’re that cold), they never want to actually play with him (they end up taking the toy, remote, etc. and not giving him a turn), they answer him in such mean ways, etc. For instance, my son was talking to my niece about his password on his tablet, and she responded, “I don’t care!!” to my son. Then my son plays his favorite song on his tablet and my nephew says to him, “Turn that off, no one wants to hear that!!” Mind you, my son is so innocent he doesn’t catch these attitudes right now, but I’m certain he soon will. I absolutely do not want to normalize these behaviors to my son. I teach my son to treat everyone with kindness and love. I don’t want to wait until he notices these behaviors and attitudes and it starts hurting his feelings, to do something about it. I always monitor their interactions and correct the kids when necessary, but I absolutely hate having to be on guard constantly watching the kids making sure they aren’t saying anything mean or inappropriate. I want my son to be able to hang out with his cousins and have fun (like he does with his other cousins who are also older than him!). I understand the age difference, but these kids are fully capable of playing games everyone can join in on because his other cousins do. It’s coming to a point where I don’t even want to bring my son around these kids because it’s constant abuse from them, but I also don’t want him to not have a relationship with his cousins! They’re my brother’s kids! I only have one sibling so it’s really just us and it hurts me so much that things are like this right now!!!! I’ve talked to my niece and nephew and explained better ways of talking to each other and how my son is a little more sensitive than they are, etc. I give them examples of how to say things in a nicer way, or I will ask them to please try to play with my son. I’m met with rebuttals as to why they talk like this or eye rolls and attitudes. You can’t correct a child’s behavior if they don’t see anything wrong with it and if their parents or guardians aren’t enforcing it at home. (I’m not talking 5 year old children, I’m talking 10+ year olds). These kids don’t respect what I have to say. I’m at a point in my life where I am so tired of drama and issues that I really keep to myself and am quick to just cut someone out of my life. But these are children!! Children who don’t really understand life. It’s not their fault. But is it my responsibility to change them or ‘save them’?! I’ve tried! But now I have my own son to worry about and my own life issues. I don’t have the emotional or mental capacity to take on this burden. And I really don’t mean to call these kids burdens because they’re not, but their behaviors are! It’s just weighing really heavy on my chest right now and I really needed to get this out.

I’m not really sure of my intention behind this post, whether it was giving advice to others to set healthy boundaries with difficult family members or if I myself needed advice on this. Either way, I hope something I said benefitted you in some way. And if you have some advice or thoughts on my situation with my niece and nephew please feel free to leave a comment. Maybe a different perspective could help! Let’s create open discussions on this blog together!

Thanks so much for reading through my rant and I hope your week is fabulous and full of love and creativity!!

xo, J

Creating the life you desire. How do you bring more happiness, peace, and positivity to your life?

How do you find happiness in the midst of chaos? We know that happiness comes from inside… but it is so hard to not allow other people around you to affect your happiness. Especially if they are very negative people with bad energy or if they treat you poorly and make you feel awful about yourself. It’s hard to not believe something if someone is constantly repeating it to you.Your environment plays a big role in your happiness and mindset.

The way you speak to yourself is SO vital in combating any negativity that has entered your mind. Speak positively to yourself all the time! When you find yourself thinking ugly thoughts about yourself immediately distract that thought with something else. That is not really YOU talking so you have full permission to shut that voice up. It’s taking valuable head space away from you. So make sure you are “washing” those negative thoughts away with positive thoughts and change the narrative.

I heard this analogy before and I love it so if you’re a visual person like myself you may find it useful. Think of your brain like a cup of clear water. When dirty water (negative thoughts) gets inside it starts to cloud the clean cup of water. So in order to get that water clean again, you have to pour clean water (positive thoughts & self talk, inspiration etc) into the cup as many times as you need to to flush that dirty water out. Same with your brain. You watch a few upsetting videos on social media, now you feel a bit down. Ever notice that? Sometimes you can even feel it in your body! That’s when it’s your job to step in and fill your mind with other things that will make you feel happy, strong, ambitious, etc.

When you make a mistake, be more understanding!! Instead of calling yourself “stupid for not doing xyz” or “so selfish and careless for forgetting that thing.” Try spinning it around. Instead say, “it stinks I forgot xyz but no worries next time I will find a way to remind myself better.”

Just like when you are trying to change something about yourself, like I mentioned in previous blog posts, it’s a mindset game – you repeat it to yourself until you believe it for yourself. This goes for both positive and negative things. If you are constantly saying, “I’m broke”… guess who will most likely stay that way? Same goes for if someone is constantly telling you how “worthless” you are- even if you don’t want to admit it or maybe you don’t even realize, but that sits in your subconscious mind and it will manifest.

Talking down to yourself after a mistake doesn’t correct the mistake and it most likely won’t prevent another one. You have to forgive yourself! There might be a reason you’ve been so forgetful lately (lack of sleep, stress, etc.) or a reason why you have no energy to get all the things done (no self-care, burning out, overwhelm etc.). It’s important to pay attention to your body and the signs your body tries to give you.

Be more mindful next time you are on social media, chatting with a friend or relative that likes to gossip, etc and think about how you feel afterwards. Do you feel some joy? Energized in some way? Sad and unmotivated? Are the negative thoughts you had during that time still in your mind for a few hours after or maybe the rest of the day? Once you realize what you feed your mind has control over how you feel and your mood then YOU have the power.

You are in control of the company you keep. You are in control of the shows and videos you watch. You are in control of what music you listen to. All of these influences are outside, but are still in your control- so be very mindful of this. Create a life you desire, whether that’s full of positivity, surrounded by great people, etc. Take the actions to start manifesting it. If you want to be surrounded by kind people, put yourself in positions to meet these kinds of people. Join a book club, go golfing, go to museums, find a church that vibes with you etc. If you want more positivity in your life then cater to that. Tweak your social media timelines and accounts you follow to show things that bring you happiness, joy and laughter, write affirmations and positive quotes on sticky notes and hang them around your home or create a wallpaper for your phone with these affirmations and quotes. Simple acts like these can be more beneficial than you realize.

Journal prompt:

What kind of life do you want to create for yourself?

Personal reflections: Living, dealing and healing from a drug addicted and/or alcoholic parent.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this one because it’s still so fresh… My father is still currently battling alcoholism and has since I was a baby. I’ve begged him to stop drinking since I was a child. By the age of 16 I knew there was nothing I could do or say that would make my dad stop drinking and using drugs. I was a daddy’s girl and was very protective over my dad which caused me to enable him. I would say things like, “Yes dad, have a beer, but only one.” “Please don’t sniff that line dad, just have some beer instead.” But I also have to remember that regardless of if I gave him ‘permission’ to drink or not, he will find a way to do what he wants. There were times where he lived with me (as an adult), and I had rules to how drunk he could get because I have had enough of dealing with my drunk father growing up. I want to help him, but I also have to protect my mental health as well. Knowing damn well that having my alcoholic father live with me while he still abuses alcohol and drugs was never good for my mental health to begin with, but there was no way I would allow my dad to be homeless. He has been in and out of rehab and only lasted several months before he relapsed and went back to his old ways. Nothing was going to stop my dad until he wanted to or until he was forced. I want to mention that my dad is an army veteran with PTSD and other mental health issues like depression and anxiety, so he turns to alcohol to numb his pain and wash away his worries. He realizes that it’s only a temporary fix, so he decides to start drinking from the time he wakes up until he goes back to sleep. Like clockwork.

It took me a while to realize that I was enabling my dad, but I felt like out of all the crap people in my dad’s life that take advantage of him and never help him out, I felt like my dad needed someone like me in his life. This was how I felt. He knows he can always come to me because I have nothing but love for him. Yes he has hurt me a lot with his addictions, but I have forgiven him and his illness because he too has had a hard upbringing. We have to remember that our parents also had a childhood and a life before us. Unhealed, our childhood traumas follow us into adulthood. I try to picture people as a child to understand them better. Everyone needs someone with some empathy in them to understand just a glimpse of our lives and traumas. Sometimes an abuser just needs to know they aren’t alone, that they do have something to live for and that someone in this world does love them.

My dad has continued to try to get clean. He has significantly reduced his drug use over the years, but alcoholism has continued to haunt him. He has realized that his drinking is starting to affect his body and organs. Right now he is dealing with several medical issues associated with his drinking and unhealthy living habits. With the help, guidance and love of God and reading the bible, my dad has put in a real effort to change his life around. He doesn’t want to hit rock bottom again and lose everything like he did 12 years ago. He has worked too hard and I believe God still has a purpose for him here because of everything terrible he has gone through, he is still alive. Recently my dad has had a major surgery and is scheduled for another surgery in a month. He now has no choice but to stop drinking and abusing his vessel that God has blessed him with.

I’ve learned from dealing with my dad that either they will decide to stop drinking or it will be decided for them one way or another. We have to remember that we cannot force our parents or loved one to stop drinking and using drugs if they do not want to put the work in to actually quit and fight temptations. We also have to remember that it isn’t our fault they are like this and that this disease is not truly who they are. They are a different person under the influence. They are hurt and broken inside and are finding a way to numb it. Many won’t admit, some will acknowledge it. It’s important to protect your mental health and energy and remind yourself that they do love you under all of the rage of alcohol and/or drugs. I am still healing from the trauma around my dad’s alcoholism and drug addiction. All we can continue doing is pray to God that he will save them and guide them onto the right path to Him. Leave all of your burdens at God’s feet and watch Him work

I hope someone reading this that is dealing with something similar can take something away from this post. I don’t have it figured out and the only psychology background I have is some college classes. I just wanted to share my personal opinions and reflections I’ve made over many years of living with this. Thank you for reading 🤍

A little pep talk – Self love manifestation

There’s something about working on yourself that makes you feel so damn powerful. This feeling doesn’t come on immediately, but when you’ve put in the work and you start feeling the changes, it hits you. YOU did that sis!!!! You started from square one and picked yourself up and put yourself back together. All the books you’ve read, podcasts you’ve listened to, the amount of prayers you prayed for this healing. It’s all falling into place on its own, slowly but surely.

It feels good. It feels so damn good to have control over your reactions to other people’s bullshit. It feels damn good to not allow other people’s bullshit affect your mental health and inner peace no more. It feels realllllll good to love yourself from inside-out, head to toe. All of you. Because not only did God create a beautiful human being, but you helped build this woman up to who she is now. And for that you should be proud. Regardless if you ‘made it’ yet or if you still have a long way to go. You are still further today than you were 3 years ago and even 3 months ago!! Each day is progress, you just have to keep choosing to win. Discipline will keep you going when the results aren’t completely visible. Keep putting in that work because it will pay off. It will only make you a better person.

You are doing this for YOU. Remember that. It’s your life and you are your priority! You cannot and will not pour from an empty cup. You deserve better and your family deserves better. Love yourself first and always.

xo, J

The signs your body gives when its had enough. It’s time to listen and shift your mindset.

The thing about always putting others needs first and going through life without healing from all the trauma you have been through, you neglect yourself more than you realize and your whole self will feel it so deeply. Many of us can’t even put a name to it or even pinpoint why you feel so damn shitty all the time no matter what you do or how much sleep you get. You’re always tired, irritable, easily triggered, uneasy, stressed, anxiety riddled and may even be having physical symptoms like back pain, headaches, acne or even stomach discomfort (nausea, poop issues). Yessss self neglect can show up in many ways!!!!! It’s a snowball effect. Your body starts showing you that something isn’t right within you by messing with your moods or causing more anxiety than usual.

When we continue living life ignoring these symptoms of your body’s cry for help, they begin to grow and evolve inside you and show up in other ways like making you super irritable at your kids, husband or friends then you start experiencing headaches or stomach pains on a weekly basis now. Like seriously we need to stop living our lives putting all of our needs on the back burner because of all that is expected of us.

So what can we do to begin releasing and restoring ourselves?

There’s too much picture perfect filtered image that people paint for us that it makes it too easy to compare our lives to. We need to put the phone down and look in the mirror. Tell yourself how beautiful, strong and blessed you are and all other affirmations you need to hear. Do this daily! Then make yourself a cup of coffee and tea then pick up your journal and pen and start writing!! Allow yourself to write anything that comes to mind, even if you don’t believe it right now. Release all your fears and hopes and dreams into your journal. When you’re done you can sort your fears into the right category in your mind. Not all of your fears are rational but sometimes your mind will fully believe them. You literally have to shift the narrative in your journal to embed it into your mind. Instead of saying,” I’m so inconsistent.” Try, “I am working on becoming more consistent every day. I’m so glad that I have created a schedule to help me become more consistent” or “I’m so thankful that I can feel myself becoming more motivated to continue my consistency.” Your brain can’t really determine the truth from a lie, but it will believe what you write and think. So when you journal or while you allow your mind to drift into your thoughts- make sure you are controlling the narrative you are telling yourself.

As long as you continue caring what people think of you, it will forever eat you alive. People’s negative image of you has more to do with themselves more than anything. They see things in you they wish they had, you are doing things they wish they could, and you carry yourself in a way they could never. Don’t forget who tf you are. Focus on your self care, personal development and bettering yourself in every way.

Listen, God made every part of you PERFECT to His standards and we need to learn to love all of it. We only get one body, one mind, one soul, one life. Let’s love every part and rejoice in God’s blessings!! He is the only opinion that should matter to us!

Now go be great!

xo, J

More than self-care. Mind, body and soul nurturing.

Self-care is more than doing things that brings you instant gratification or temporary happiness. It’s deeper than that. Self-care should be focused on caring and nurturing your whole self. Your body, mind and soul. Something simple like a hot bath can be used to nurture your body, but when you add a book, some candles and a yummy smelling bath bomb then it starts to nurture your mind as well. Playing meditation music in the background can make this task focus on all three areas of self-care!! Yesss please!

It’s important to make sure you are including self-care activities that focus on the different areas because if we only did things that cared for our body, then our mind and soul is neglected. Try to find ways to improve your self-care routine by making sure they focus on your mind, body and soul. Another example could be- going for a walk. But instead of just walking, you can either listen to meditation music or an educational podcast- both will nurture your mind, but another option is to listen to nature. Be fully present and listen for the birds, the wind blowing the trees, the squirrels running, the high tide river, etc. all the noises of nature can bring you spiritual peace which in turn will bring you mental peace.

The last example I will give you is doing a mind dump where you literally dump everything on your mind onto a piece of paper. Messy, unorganized thoughts just written out in any order. Once your mind is clear, journal! Start with a simple question like- “What will you surrender in order to protect your peace today/this week?” or “What kind of lifestyle do you want? How exactly do I want my days to look like?” Then start writing. Visualize yourself being that person as you write. Don’t stop your thoughts, just write it all down in your journal. Do this daily and find different journal prompts that work for you and watch real change start to happen. (Follow this blog because I enjoy sharing journal prompts that I love or sign up for me email newsletter here.) If you are a beginner or fairly new to journaling, I would suggest purchasing my Self Love Journal. It’s a PDF file so you can print it out and immediately get to work. It’s available under the “Shop” tab above and at my Etsy shop and you’ll be able to read more in detail what it includes. It’s absolutely worth it!!

When we care for all three parts of us, we will achieve a whole new level of SELF LOVE and peace. In your self-care time, you will learn so much about yourself; what you truly enjoy doing, what brings you real happiness and gets the happy hormones firing, what helps you fully relax, how you recharge, what gets you excited, etc. Feeling aligned within and focusing on filling your cup up, you allow yourself to experience life differently. We are a little less tense, a little less stressed, more gentle, more positive, more loving. It’s the start to a whole new perspective on life. A whole new YOU.

I hope that you benefited from this post in some way. I’d love to hear your self-care routines! Comment below with yours! 🙂

xo, J