Tag Archives: personal stories

Personal advice on living freely with chronic pain and/or disability.

Of course there are levels of severity when it comes to chronic pain and it can affect everyone differently- the person who is suffering and those around them. There are many challenges when it comes to living with chronic pain such as flare ups, multiple doctor visits, tests & medications, unable to do certain tasks around the house, people getting annoyed by your complaints, doctors not believing your pain levels, the list goes on and I’m sure you can add to the list as well. Not only are you dealing with this pain often, but you have to deal with the side effects as well.

Some things I have learned along the way I would like to share them with you. Although I consider my case minor. I deal with back and neck pain from a car accident, which include random flare ups and muscle spasms, unable to lift heavy things, unable to sit and stand for long periods of time and constantly having to stretch. My advice may or may not help you, but I encourage you to keep an open mind and share this post with a friend who may benefit from this read.

My biggest advice is to journal. Journal around your pain or disability and the narrative around it (the way you talk about the condition to yourself and others). Work on changing the vocabulary you use when you are talking about it and switch to more positive wording. Step out of the victim role and mentality. Instead of saying things like, I can’t do anything I love to do anymore because of the pain, say something like, I know it’s been hard to do the thing I loved to do, but I am doing my best to manage the pain and one day I will be able to enjoy those things even if it’s just a fraction of it. (i.e you loved hiking before your injury, but now it’s hard to get out there, so instead you choose to walk a short distance in a lovely park or trail.) Do your best to find the positive in things. Be sure to make writing affirmations into your journal daily as well. 

Second piece of advice is to be your own advocate to the medical professionals. Educate yourself around your injury or disability, understand which tests are for what, what medications are actually necessary, and when you should seek a second opinion. Speaking up for yourself and asking questions without doubt or fear is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. I am a medical professional so I am always cautious and keep myself well informed when it comes to my health because I will not be a lab rat or allow them to play the guessing game or order unnecessary tests. We must realize that doctors are human like us and can make mistakes so it’s important to be a second set of eyes to overlook your care, but at the same time a lot of medical care is about money. Some doctors will try to bill your insurance, or you, for tests or medications that could be avoided. That’s why it’s important to ask the right questions. If you have someone close with a medical background to help you be a second set of ears, that would be great as well. 

My third piece of advice is for my faith believing friends. Pray! When you pray about what you’re going through, you suddenly don’t feel alone because you know God is listening. Giving your worries, fears, anxieties and doubts to God and leaving them at His feet with full faith that He will indeed take care of you, will release so much pressure and negative feelings from your mind. Whether you pray to God or the universe, you cannot deal with this pain and emotional traumas alone. You have to give someone else the load to carry while you breathe and enjoy the life you have however you can. 

My last piece of advice for now is to try your very best to keep doing the things you love even if it’s not exactly how it used to be or find something new that you enjoy doing.The point here is to enjoy your new life however you can and to keep yourself busy/distracted from focusing on your pain. I notice when I am not doing anything but sitting on the couch, I tend to focus more on the pain I am experiencing so instead I force myself to do something more productive like read a book, get some writing done or call a friend or relative to chat. Feeling sorry for yourself that you can no longer do yxz will only amplify your suffering. Again, let’s change the narrative here! When you are happy and enjoying life however you can, your loved ones surrounding you will notice and it will lift them up as well. Keep a positive attitude as much as you can! 

So that’s it for my top advice for living with chronic pain and/or disability. I hope that you found this post helpful and can incorporate some or all of it into your life. If no one told you lately, I will like to tell you that you are stronger and braver than you think! 

Now go be great!

Xo, J

Why did I get into self-care and why YOU should to!

Sometimes awful situations lead us to great things.

Please set your triggers to the side and read this post with an open mind and heart. I’m going to talk about a rough phase in my life that I am still healing from till this day. I will spare the details for maybe a future blog post(s), but for now I just want to share when self-care became a vital part in my life and how it got me out of the dark place I was in for so long.

It was my first year being a mom. A time I expected to be one of the happiest and joyful times in my life, but instead was filled with stress, anxiety, anger, and pain. A lot of pain. The following 3-4 years weren’t much different. In fact, it got worse. I will sum it up by saying one thing… I was suffering from abuse in many forms by a loved one. At the same time dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety. I was forced into a very dark place, and I had no idea what was happening. Life just passed me by. I was always so sad and hurt that I couldn’t enjoy my new baby or motherhood. I viewed myself in such a negative way it was heart shattering. I didn’t believe I was worthy enough of anything. I literally thought I looked “disgusting” with the extra baby weight and stretch marks. I would speak to myself so harshly when I made simple human mistakes. A lot of this was just me repeating what has been said to me so much that I started to identify as it. 

I am so thankful to my doctor for noticing signs of postpartum depression from me because she was the one who referred me to this awesome therapist. Unfortunately, I withheld the part of spousal abuse when I spoke with her every week. Again, I identified with the things he was saying to me, so it was easy to claim them as my own words. So, she had no idea what I was going through and thinking back now I regret not telling her because she probably could’ve helped me more. However, during one of our sessions she asked me, “What are you doing for self-care?” I literally had to ask her what exactly falls under self-care because I cannot remember the last time I did something for myself besides taking a quick 10 minute shower, especially as a new mom. (btw a shower is a basic life necessity, not your self-care for the day!) I had no time, energy, or desire to do anything for myself after finishing all my mom and wife duties. But she goes on to say, “you cannot keep running on E. You have to fill your tank up too so that you can be the best mom and wife.” So I say, “Okay, I get that. But how do I even fit doing things for myself with my busy schedule? I don’t even see it being worth my time or effort.”

That’s where the problem was. I didn’t see self-care as being worth the time and effort which truly meant I didn’t see myself as important enough to care for. I didn’t value my needs and wants. I didn’t see the importance of my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellness. I needed to completely shift this mindset I had about myself because it was so damaging and extremely limiting. This kind of thinking kept me in this dark bubble. A dark comfy bubble. It didn’t allow me to grow or to even be mindful enough to see the signs my body was giving me. This kind of mindset kept me numb and going through each day looking forward to bedtime. 

After talking more with my therapist, I realize I’m going to have to do some real work if I want a change in my life and to find the joy in things again. The first step was incorporating different forms of self-care into my life at least 1-2 times per week. This came in the form of journaling, yoga, doing my makeup, skin care, coffee outdoors, walks by the water, taking care of my natural hair, writing, and some other things I cannot remember right now. It was over the course of several years that I started these self-care habits so don’t think I began doing all of these things the next day. Journaling is the very first thing I started doing. I have always loved to write so this one was kind of easy for me to start. If you don’t make it easy or fun, you won’t be motivated at all to do it. Makeup was tough because I was limited on time, but it was something I really enjoyed doing before I became a mom so I would try to do my makeup whenever I could. Then I ran into skin care issues from wearing the makeup so naturally I transitioned to skin care and clean beauty products as a part of my self-care. I chose Sundays as my mini spa day where I would do hair and face masks (usually DIY from Pinterest) and eventually started painting my nails as well.

I just found things to do that brought me happiness, even if it was super small. I felt really good after doing my morning skin routine and going through the week with my nails painted. The more I noticed positive results from doing these self-care tasks, the more I wanted to do them. Whether it was feelings of happiness and being proud that I checked off self-care from my to-do list or seeing physical results from doing the yoga, walking and exercising and even my clear skin, I wanted to keep doing it. It made me feel good about my appearance, yes, but it made me feel so damn good inside at the same time. I felt worthy again. Like I deserve so much better. Self-care gave me a new perspective on life. It helped me crawl out of the depression hole and appreciate and love myself from the inside out, no matter what outside influences say. It made me realize how poorly I have been treating myself, how much I have been suffering and how much I have been suppressing my emotions as well. I was no longer numb to life.

If you related to anything I said, even if it was just one statement. I urge you to start taking self-care more seriously. Do things for you unapologetically with no regrets. Love all of you and pour into yourself consistently so that you can continue to pour into everyone around you. Self-care is defined by how you want to define it. My definition is taking care of all of you in every way necessary because you matter so damn much. Regardless of what, your presence in this world matters and you are here for a purpose!!

Continue to follow this blog for all things self-care, self-love and mental wellness. 

Now go be great,

xo, J