Tag Archives: healing journey

Personal advice on living freely with chronic pain and/or disability.

Of course there are levels of severity when it comes to chronic pain and it can affect everyone differently- the person who is suffering and those around them. There are many challenges when it comes to living with chronic pain such as flare ups, multiple doctor visits, tests & medications, unable to do certain tasks around the house, people getting annoyed by your complaints, doctors not believing your pain levels, the list goes on and I’m sure you can add to the list as well. Not only are you dealing with this pain often, but you have to deal with the side effects as well.

Some things I have learned along the way I would like to share them with you. Although I consider my case minor. I deal with back and neck pain from a car accident, which include random flare ups and muscle spasms, unable to lift heavy things, unable to sit and stand for long periods of time and constantly having to stretch. My advice may or may not help you, but I encourage you to keep an open mind and share this post with a friend who may benefit from this read.

My biggest advice is to journal. Journal around your pain or disability and the narrative around it (the way you talk about the condition to yourself and others). Work on changing the vocabulary you use when you are talking about it and switch to more positive wording. Step out of the victim role and mentality. Instead of saying things like, I can’t do anything I love to do anymore because of the pain, say something like, I know it’s been hard to do the thing I loved to do, but I am doing my best to manage the pain and one day I will be able to enjoy those things even if it’s just a fraction of it. (i.e you loved hiking before your injury, but now it’s hard to get out there, so instead you choose to walk a short distance in a lovely park or trail.) Do your best to find the positive in things. Be sure to make writing affirmations into your journal daily as well. 

Second piece of advice is to be your own advocate to the medical professionals. Educate yourself around your injury or disability, understand which tests are for what, what medications are actually necessary, and when you should seek a second opinion. Speaking up for yourself and asking questions without doubt or fear is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. I am a medical professional so I am always cautious and keep myself well informed when it comes to my health because I will not be a lab rat or allow them to play the guessing game or order unnecessary tests. We must realize that doctors are human like us and can make mistakes so it’s important to be a second set of eyes to overlook your care, but at the same time a lot of medical care is about money. Some doctors will try to bill your insurance, or you, for tests or medications that could be avoided. That’s why it’s important to ask the right questions. If you have someone close with a medical background to help you be a second set of ears, that would be great as well. 

My third piece of advice is for my faith believing friends. Pray! When you pray about what you’re going through, you suddenly don’t feel alone because you know God is listening. Giving your worries, fears, anxieties and doubts to God and leaving them at His feet with full faith that He will indeed take care of you, will release so much pressure and negative feelings from your mind. Whether you pray to God or the universe, you cannot deal with this pain and emotional traumas alone. You have to give someone else the load to carry while you breathe and enjoy the life you have however you can. 

My last piece of advice for now is to try your very best to keep doing the things you love even if it’s not exactly how it used to be or find something new that you enjoy doing.The point here is to enjoy your new life however you can and to keep yourself busy/distracted from focusing on your pain. I notice when I am not doing anything but sitting on the couch, I tend to focus more on the pain I am experiencing so instead I force myself to do something more productive like read a book, get some writing done or call a friend or relative to chat. Feeling sorry for yourself that you can no longer do yxz will only amplify your suffering. Again, let’s change the narrative here! When you are happy and enjoying life however you can, your loved ones surrounding you will notice and it will lift them up as well. Keep a positive attitude as much as you can! 

So that’s it for my top advice for living with chronic pain and/or disability. I hope that you found this post helpful and can incorporate some or all of it into your life. If no one told you lately, I will like to tell you that you are stronger and braver than you think! 

Now go be great!

Xo, J

“Broken Life” [Poetry]

Feeling defeated… exhausted… mistreated.

Living a life of being controlled.

And it has finally taken its toll.

What did I expect?

I just needed him to protect.

Now I’m in too deep.

And he won’t let me leave.

But like my father said…

I made my bed.

This is all my fault.

Although I was never really taught.

It’s too late now.

All I can do is keep my head bowed.

xo, Janice Avilla

“When will it end” [Poetry]

When will it end?

His words pierce me… like a million swords in my chest.

His tone… makes my jaw clench.

These physical … uncontrolled responses to this man… is becoming harder to hide.

My chest feels tight… and I struggle to breathe…

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

How much more can I take?

Why have I allowed this to get so far?

But how would I have known??

He played his cards right…

He knew my weaknesses…

Exactly how to build me up… only to knock me back down.

I didn’t notice the cycle… until one day I did.

It was my fault all along… I fell too hard.

I knew we didn’t belong together.

I was never enough for him… yet I dedicated my life to proving otherwise.

My self worth… my identity… my whole being… lost.

Now I am here… so deep in… that I can no longer see the surface.

I can no longer see the light at the end.

When does it end? I

Inhale. Exhale.

The feeling in my chest getting tighter…

Inhale. Exhale.

Desperately searching for an exit.

This can’t be my final destination.

Inhale. Exhale.

By Janice Avilla

StrengthScripted

“What am I doing here” … [Poetry]

What am I doing here?

A gentle soul…

Searching for protection… But from who?

Desperate for love… finding everything but.

Chaos. Chaos. Chaos.

Where is the peace?

What am I doing here?

There must be a purpose… for my being.

A purpose… for this pain.

I search… and search… and search.

To no avail.

Now I feel stuck… all over again.

Why am I still here?

xo, Janice Avilla

What is self care? The most used and abused word.

Let’s dig deeper into the meaning of Self-Care

We need to talk about the real meaning of “self-care” because it has turned into such an overused word that is beginning to change the true meaning of it. Sure many self-care practices involve bath bombs, skin care routines, yoga etc. but the more vital part of self-care is why you’re doing it, how it makes you feel and how it’s helping you improve yourself worth, self love and confidence. There’s more to self care than bath bombs.

Self-care is building an unbreakable bond between your mind, body and soul.

Janice Avilla @strengthscripted

I don’t make self-care a priority because it’s fun and trendy. I make my self-care a priority because it fills my cup up. It gives me energy to tackle the day. It lifts me back up after a long hard day. It makes me feel worthy of being loved by myself, not others. It makes me happy. I do it for ME. I do it for my son. Because when I take care of myself, I’m more happy and at ease and I can give my best to my son and the people around me.

Practicing self care regularly has allowed me to connect more deeply with myself. I am more in tune with my mind and body. I can read the signs my body is giving more clearly. I know when my period is coming, estimate when I’m ovulating, and recognize that certain pain in my body is my mind trying to distract me from something bigger. I can identify the emotions I’m feeling and help myself process those feelings accordingly. My anxiety has gotten better because I can organize my thoughts and determine whether they are rational or not. I have created my own inner happiness that is untouched by my environment. All because of my commitment to self-care

I have created my own inner happiness that is untouched by my environment. All because of my commitment to self-care.

Janice @StrengthScripted

Society and big brands trying to sell you their products slap the “self-care” word all over their marketing and hope people will fall for it. Influencers claim if you use their essential oils or bath bomb then you will feel so much happy and fulfilled because of this self care act. In reality, people need to look within and find what you actually need to feel fulfilled. Everyone’s self care needs are different and no one can tell you what YOU need to do for self care to fill YOUR cup up and improve YOUR self love. If you don’t like to take baths then what good are bath bombs gonna be? What works for some might not work that well for you.

My biggest advice for beginning your actual self-care journey is to journal. Write down anything that comes to mind, everything that makes you happy, things you love, things you want to do someday, your goals, dreams, desired lifestyle, etc. etc. Just write. You will get to know yourself in your journal and begin building your self-care routine that’s catered specifically to you. It’s much more special when you build your own routine. I would check out The Self Love Journal that I created to help you get started. It’s a workbook style PDF with journal prompts, self care planner etc to help guide you on your journey. [Check the shop tab on top or click the link above]. It’s what helped me so much on my own journey so I worked really hard to put a book together to share with others. When I began this journey I was alone and didn’t know others who were interested in anything self-care (explains all the burnout in the workplace), but you don’t have to feel that way because I am here for you! My mission here is to create a community for women who are all on their self-care/love journey that can share their experience and advice to others and help build each other up. If you’re interested in joining the group chat, please comment below or email me directly [check the contact tab] so I can add you. It’s a secure and private chat vetted personally by me!

Lastly, I hope that this post has resonated with you and has given you the motivation to make self-care a priority to you. If you’re still feeling a bit unsure, join the chat and start there or purchase the The Self Love journal to get started. But you don’t really need any of these, just yourself. You got this!!! One stepping stone at a time.

Now go be great!

Xo, J

Journal entry rambles. Some motivation, encouragement and prayer for you!

I’m sharing with you a part of my journal entry.

I hope it will help you like it has helped me. Even if it’s just for today.

Sometimes we wonder how we even got here in the first place. Do we even deserve any of this? Why are things the way they are and why can’t we control more of our surroundings? Life is crazy. It goes up and down and loves to take sudden twists and turns. You learn, laugh and cry along the way. You feel pain and joy. Happiness and sadness. You pray and hope for your desires and dreams to come to life. You do your best to take care of those around you. And life continues to go on. Sometimes what we want doesn’t happen. We don’t get the job we wanted, the client we hoped to sign, the right price on the car you wanted to buy. Things don’t always go the way we want. Or so we thought. Sometimes we have to look beyond our foremost thoughts and change our perceptions. Open your eyes and actually look around you. Are the things you have prayed for actually not there? Or are they just disguised or hidden? Maybe they are there but you are just too distracted by life stressors and focused on the other things you want in the moment?

Have you taken a moment to really appreciate life in full? Have you taken a moment to remove any toxicity and negativity to make room for those blessings? Remember when you prayed for a car and now look at you. Remember when you prayed for the clothing and accessories you have now? The new tech gadgets to keep you connected to friends and family? What about the roof over your head? Good food? More money? Loving spouse? Friendships? More connections? Inner peace? Clear skin? New skills? Healthy growing hair? Your green thumb? Confidence? Ambition? Motivation? Do you remember praying and hoping for any of this several years ago? You have certainly come a long way. Maybe it wasn’t the exact path you wanted.

Sometimes we forget that God comes through on His time and with His plan.

But we also tend to be distracted by everything else. Nowadays everything is moving so fast that we are always focused on the next thing, the next want. That we never really appreciate the good things we have now. Of course, not everything is perfect!! You may be living with a narcissistic spouse, but you get to stay home with your kids in a big house, have all of your bills paid, a nice car, money to play with while building your own business. Or you may be working with a coworker who you cannot stand with a passion, but you enjoy your time with the clients you work with at your dream job. It’s vital to find the good in situations and remember that everything is temporary (for the most part). Your current living situation won’t be the same forever, so try to enjoy the moments you can!! Find the good in every situation you face and find comfort in knowing that your life won’t be the same forever, things will change and keep moving. You will heal and move forward with life. With faith in God, everything will be okay. You just have to keep going, keep praying and keep your faith high. Even when times feel so hard that you can’t keep doing it, drop to your knees and give your burdens to God to handle then release it. Find comfort in knowing that he is working even when you think he has forgotten. He has not and will never forget. Have faith that God will take care of it. 

Now, take a deep breath and blowwww out anything heavy you are holding on to. Release it all in that forceful blow of air. Take another deep breath and release. Everything is working in your favor even if it doesn’t seem like so.

Now go be great!

xo, J

3 skin care products to add to your daily routine TODAY (perfect for beginners!) 

Strength Scripted

Hello Hello!!

  I am back and feeling good! How are you?! I hope everything is going great where you are. I hope when you’re reading this that you are in some comfy pajamas, curled up on the couch, got a warm cup of tea or wine- whatever you are feeling this evening, and ideally you have a candle lit as well, creating a nice and cozy vibe. After a long week, it’s time for you to sit back, relax and read helpful ways to improve your skin care with clean beauty products thus improving your self-care routine because that is the goal here- fulfilling our self-care needs. Which, by the way, did you know there are like 8 categories of self- care?? We are most familiar with physical and emotional self-care. That’s the bath bombs, yoga, meditation, journaling, skin care routines, etc. However, it’s important that there is more to self-care than that. There are other areas of your life that also need nurturing. There is physical, emotional, psychological, social, professional, environmental, spiritual and financial self-care. It seems like a lot, but it’s all about balancing and maintaining these areas in your life. We can get more into it in another post (let me know in the comments if you’d like me to write a post on this!). 

Moving on, I wanted to share my top 3 favorite skin care products that are perfect for those who don’t know where to start when it comes to their skin care routine and for those who are looking for a cleaner beauty product to swap your current product with. Since I’m all about using products without any harmful and harsh ingredients, most of the products I recommend are usually safe for most skin types. I’m all about keeping your routines simple so that you can stay consistent!! If you have a 7-step skin care routine, you’re probably not going to be as consistent as you should. So, I want to recommend 3 products to get you started. A cleanser, a moisturizer and a salve (for lips and lashes!). As time goes on and you have a solid routine, then you can start adding or removing certain products and really fine tuning your personal skin care routine based on your skin type and needs. Okay, lets get into it!

tea tree and charcoal face cleansing bar soap

First one up is the tea tree and charcoal face bar soap! My cleanser! The perfect cleanser for most skin types- seriously. I paid $12 for this soap and it lasts MONTHS. It smells reallyyyy good as well which is always a plus during self-care. Fragrance in products is so harmful so when you get natural fragrance from clean beauty products, I always see that as a WIN WIN! Anyways, this soap is gentle enough to use daily and doesn’t leave your face feeling dry like other face cleansers that I have used do. I literally feel like I don’t need to put moisturizer on afterwards! But don’t be silly, apply that moisturizer!!!!!

organic jojoba oil

Number twoooo!! Moisturizer! Again, use your judgment here! I use organic jojoba oil on my face daily after cleansing. I honestly do not cleanse every day because I don’t feel like my skin needs it (it’s on the sensitive side!) so I only use cleanser 3-5 times a week, however, I rinse my face with cold water every single day then apply the organic jojoba oil very lightly. I only pour a tiny amount into my palm then use my finger and basically dip it and gently rub into my skin. A little goes a very long way here. You don’t want to plaster your face with oil because it’ll feel too heavy and suffocated. Any excess can be rubbed into your neck and chest area. Don’t forget to include this part of your body in your skin care routine because it’s one of the first things that age in women so show it some extra love now.

Organic salve

Last but not least, organic salve! I know what you’re thinking, what in the world is salve?? Is that what you put on cuts?! Okay, yes it can be. However, salve can be used for so much more than small scrapes. I have replaced my lip balm with organic salve, and it leaves my lips nice and smooth and shiny, and it doesn’t build up in the corners like chapstick does sometimes. No one has time for that white build up on your lips after reapplying the chapstick that keeps drying out your lips. Yes, you read that right! There are literally ingredients in your chapstick that dries out your lips so that you must reapply- the more you use the more you buy. Save yourself some time! I even found that it gives my lashes a boost when I apply a little salve to them then brush them with a lash brush. Be sure to gently wash your lashes in between uses. (YouTube simple ways to clean your natural eyelashes). You can use salve for many things, but I really love using it on my lips and lashes.

Three super simple products that can really give you the boost you need. Check my other blog post titled “Simple and effective ways to enhance your natural beauty without adding any makeup!” for some straightforward tips on skin care and lash care using the jojoba oil and salve as well as other products you may or may not already have! Click the link to check it out. In the meantime, I hope you benefited from this post!! I hope that it has made you feel more confident and in control of your skin care routine. Little by little you will learn the needs of your skin and know which products will work for you. It’s a journey as well as a trial-and-error process so do your best to not feel overwhelmed about it. Just take one step at a time! You do not need to have it all figured out! You got this! As always, I’m here for you!! So if you have any questions just shoot me a message! (Check the contact tab for my info and social handles).

Now go be great, darling!

xo, J

Why did I get into self-care and why YOU should to!

Sometimes awful situations lead us to great things.

Please set your triggers to the side and read this post with an open mind and heart. I’m going to talk about a rough phase in my life that I am still healing from till this day. I will spare the details for maybe a future blog post(s), but for now I just want to share when self-care became a vital part in my life and how it got me out of the dark place I was in for so long.

It was my first year being a mom. A time I expected to be one of the happiest and joyful times in my life, but instead was filled with stress, anxiety, anger, and pain. A lot of pain. The following 3-4 years weren’t much different. In fact, it got worse. I will sum it up by saying one thing… I was suffering from abuse in many forms by a loved one. At the same time dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety. I was forced into a very dark place, and I had no idea what was happening. Life just passed me by. I was always so sad and hurt that I couldn’t enjoy my new baby or motherhood. I viewed myself in such a negative way it was heart shattering. I didn’t believe I was worthy enough of anything. I literally thought I looked “disgusting” with the extra baby weight and stretch marks. I would speak to myself so harshly when I made simple human mistakes. A lot of this was just me repeating what has been said to me so much that I started to identify as it. 

I am so thankful to my doctor for noticing signs of postpartum depression from me because she was the one who referred me to this awesome therapist. Unfortunately, I withheld the part of spousal abuse when I spoke with her every week. Again, I identified with the things he was saying to me, so it was easy to claim them as my own words. So, she had no idea what I was going through and thinking back now I regret not telling her because she probably could’ve helped me more. However, during one of our sessions she asked me, “What are you doing for self-care?” I literally had to ask her what exactly falls under self-care because I cannot remember the last time I did something for myself besides taking a quick 10 minute shower, especially as a new mom. (btw a shower is a basic life necessity, not your self-care for the day!) I had no time, energy, or desire to do anything for myself after finishing all my mom and wife duties. But she goes on to say, “you cannot keep running on E. You have to fill your tank up too so that you can be the best mom and wife.” So I say, “Okay, I get that. But how do I even fit doing things for myself with my busy schedule? I don’t even see it being worth my time or effort.”

That’s where the problem was. I didn’t see self-care as being worth the time and effort which truly meant I didn’t see myself as important enough to care for. I didn’t value my needs and wants. I didn’t see the importance of my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellness. I needed to completely shift this mindset I had about myself because it was so damaging and extremely limiting. This kind of thinking kept me in this dark bubble. A dark comfy bubble. It didn’t allow me to grow or to even be mindful enough to see the signs my body was giving me. This kind of mindset kept me numb and going through each day looking forward to bedtime. 

After talking more with my therapist, I realize I’m going to have to do some real work if I want a change in my life and to find the joy in things again. The first step was incorporating different forms of self-care into my life at least 1-2 times per week. This came in the form of journaling, yoga, doing my makeup, skin care, coffee outdoors, walks by the water, taking care of my natural hair, writing, and some other things I cannot remember right now. It was over the course of several years that I started these self-care habits so don’t think I began doing all of these things the next day. Journaling is the very first thing I started doing. I have always loved to write so this one was kind of easy for me to start. If you don’t make it easy or fun, you won’t be motivated at all to do it. Makeup was tough because I was limited on time, but it was something I really enjoyed doing before I became a mom so I would try to do my makeup whenever I could. Then I ran into skin care issues from wearing the makeup so naturally I transitioned to skin care and clean beauty products as a part of my self-care. I chose Sundays as my mini spa day where I would do hair and face masks (usually DIY from Pinterest) and eventually started painting my nails as well.

I just found things to do that brought me happiness, even if it was super small. I felt really good after doing my morning skin routine and going through the week with my nails painted. The more I noticed positive results from doing these self-care tasks, the more I wanted to do them. Whether it was feelings of happiness and being proud that I checked off self-care from my to-do list or seeing physical results from doing the yoga, walking and exercising and even my clear skin, I wanted to keep doing it. It made me feel good about my appearance, yes, but it made me feel so damn good inside at the same time. I felt worthy again. Like I deserve so much better. Self-care gave me a new perspective on life. It helped me crawl out of the depression hole and appreciate and love myself from the inside out, no matter what outside influences say. It made me realize how poorly I have been treating myself, how much I have been suffering and how much I have been suppressing my emotions as well. I was no longer numb to life.

If you related to anything I said, even if it was just one statement. I urge you to start taking self-care more seriously. Do things for you unapologetically with no regrets. Love all of you and pour into yourself consistently so that you can continue to pour into everyone around you. Self-care is defined by how you want to define it. My definition is taking care of all of you in every way necessary because you matter so damn much. Regardless of what, your presence in this world matters and you are here for a purpose!!

Continue to follow this blog for all things self-care, self-love and mental wellness. 

Now go be great,

xo, J

Creating the life you desire. How do you bring more happiness, peace, and positivity to your life?

How do you find happiness in the midst of chaos? We know that happiness comes from inside… but it is so hard to not allow other people around you to affect your happiness. Especially if they are very negative people with bad energy or if they treat you poorly and make you feel awful about yourself. It’s hard to not believe something if someone is constantly repeating it to you.Your environment plays a big role in your happiness and mindset.

The way you speak to yourself is SO vital in combating any negativity that has entered your mind. Speak positively to yourself all the time! When you find yourself thinking ugly thoughts about yourself immediately distract that thought with something else. That is not really YOU talking so you have full permission to shut that voice up. It’s taking valuable head space away from you. So make sure you are “washing” those negative thoughts away with positive thoughts and change the narrative.

I heard this analogy before and I love it so if you’re a visual person like myself you may find it useful. Think of your brain like a cup of clear water. When dirty water (negative thoughts) gets inside it starts to cloud the clean cup of water. So in order to get that water clean again, you have to pour clean water (positive thoughts & self talk, inspiration etc) into the cup as many times as you need to to flush that dirty water out. Same with your brain. You watch a few upsetting videos on social media, now you feel a bit down. Ever notice that? Sometimes you can even feel it in your body! That’s when it’s your job to step in and fill your mind with other things that will make you feel happy, strong, ambitious, etc. 

When you make a mistake, be more understanding!! Instead of calling yourself “stupid for not doing xyz” or “so selfish and careless for forgetting that thing.” Try spinning it around. Instead say, “it stinks I forgot xyz but no worries next time I will find a way to remind myself better.”

Just like when you are trying to change something about yourself, like I mentioned in previous blog posts, it’s a mindset game – you repeat it to yourself until you believe it for yourself. This goes for both positive and negative things. If you are constantly saying, “I’m broke”… guess who will most likely stay that way? Same goes for if someone is constantly telling you how “worthless” you are- even if you don’t want to admit it or maybe you don’t even realize, but that sits in your subconscious mind and it will manifest.

Talking down to yourself after a mistake doesn’t correct the mistake and it most likely won’t prevent another one. You have to forgive yourself! There might be a reason you’ve been so forgetful lately (lack of sleep, stress, etc.) or a reason why you have no energy to get all the things done (no self-care, burning out, overwhelm etc.). It’s important to pay attention to your body and the signs your body tries to give you.

Be more mindful next time you are on social media, chatting with a friend or relative that likes to gossip, etc and think about how you feel afterwards. Do you feel some joy? Energized in some way? Sad and unmotivated? Are the negative thoughts you had during that time still in your mind for a few hours after or maybe the rest of the day? Once you realize what you feed your mind has control over how you feel and your mood then YOU have the power.

You are in control of the company you keep. You are in control of the shows and videos you watch. You are in control of what music you listen to. All of these influences are outside, but are still in your control- so be very mindful of this. Create a life you desire, whether that’s full of positivity, surrounded by great people, etc. Take the actions to start manifesting it. If you want to be surrounded by kind people, put yourself in positions to meet these kinds of people. Join a book club, go golfing, go to museums, find a church that vibes with you etc. If you want more positivity in your life then cater to that. Tweak your social media timelines and accounts you follow to show things that bring you happiness, joy and laughter, write affirmations and positive quotes on sticky notes and hang them around your home or create a wallpaper for your phone with these affirmations and quotes. Simple acts like these can be more beneficial than you realize. 

Journal prompt:

What kind of life do you want to create for yourself?

Forgiving and healing your hurt inner child. Personal experiences.

There is no secret formula or pill you can take to make all your childhood traumas (and other traumas) disappear like they’ve never happened. I wish, for everyone’s sake, there was. Everyone’s journey is unique to them so no two people will share the exact same path to healing. Healing happens within and is catered to you and your emotions, mindset, and environment, etc. There are so many moving factors, and some things may work now and stop working in the future and that’s okay!! It’s totally normal because your healing journey is supposed to evolve. It shouldn’t be linear because we are complex humans with complex emotions. So don’t freak out if there is a change to your coping habits and healing techniques. The best thing you can do for yourself is to continue learning. Research! Research! Research! Read books, blogs, talk to professionals, join support groups (in person or online). Gather knowledge on what you need to help your healing journey continuously improve. You cannot learn everything from one person or one post or book or podcast episode. However, you can gain so much by hearing other people’s healing journeys because you might learn something that you can incorporate into your life that can really help change things for the better, which is what I hope to achieve with this blog. It’s small actions that make big differences!!! And this doesn’t only pertain to healing from traumas relating to your childhood- it can be any trauma you have endured in life.

I am at the beginning of healing from my childhood traumas. It seems like a new one pops up every time I think I’m making progress, which only means that I am learning more and more about myself, which is a good thing. It’s crazy how certain things that happen in your childhood can have such a huge impact on your adult self. From the choices you make, the way you think, your self-esteem, what triggers you, your behavior during conflict, and even causes mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. This could all be prevented and/or treated with the right help and awareness,

As always, please please please seek professional help from a therapist or psychologist when needed!! Sometimes when we are uncovering traumas and attempting to heal from them, it can be very triggering and emotional and hard to deal with at times. So please have someone you can call if you feel like you are feeling a little out of control! 

It is NOT your fault. It was never your fault. You were never to blame regardless of what happened or what anyone said. You were meant to be here. You have a purpose in this world even if you have no clue what that purpose is now. You may be fulfilling it without even knowing. It’s important to remove all blame off of you when you begin this journey. You need to forgive yourself for things you had no control over.

Journaling will help you uncover your traumas, deep truths, and heal.

Journaling will be life changing for you! Even if you aren’t healing your inner child or other traumas. The way you approach journaling is vital. Your intention behind it is important as well as how you write. The goal is not to keep a day-to-day diary of what you did. You want to write about your emotions, the traumas, why you act the way you do, why you behave the way you do, how you picture your life to be, how you want your days to actually look like, the goals you want to accomplish, etc. You want to be as honest as possible when you are writing and DO NOT stop yourself from writing something you maybe don’t believe because there is truth in there. Just allow yourself to freely write. After you’ve got it all out, shift the narrative to a positive one. You are becoming a happier person, you do love the way you look, you can be in crowded places, you are on the path to becoming free from your abuser, you are healing every day. Whatever your story is!! Just start journaling! (Check out my other blog posts where I talk more about journaling and how it has helped me tremendously) 

One piece of important advice I could give you is to not keep circling around the “should of’s.” Don’t bury yourself in resentments and regrets. You didn’t know what you do now so you cannot blame yourself for making certain choices or going through certain situations. You were doing the best you could. What you can do is find a lesson or something positive from every situation no matter the circumstance. You either came out stronger, wiser, more resilient, confident, loving, caring, motivated, etc. SOMETHING. You have to try your best to find the good in things. Shift your perspective. Sometimes it’s easier to understand things from another point of view. 

Acknowledge your pain and hurt. Your feelings and emotions are valid, and you absolutely did not deserve what you went through. Don’t suppress your feelings anymore or try to distract yourself from these feelings. That’s not healing anything. Feel them, process them, and release them. I personally release my burdens and struggles at the feet of our Lord. That gives me great comfort. However, you can do other actions that can feel cleansing or as a way of detoxing. Allow yourself to cry. Ugly cry, scream, punch a pillow. Let yourself release the emotions that have been suppressed for so long. Once you get it out or before you even finish, jump in a hot shower. Imagine the water washing away the hurt, the anguish, the suffering, the negative thoughts, all of it, down the drain. Imagine the shower cleansing you of all of your pain and traumas and watch it go down the drain. Finish the last 10 seconds of your shower with cold water. This physical act can bring you some comfort on your healing journey, there are other things you can do as well, but this is a start.

Like I said before, it’s little actions every day that accumulate and compound into bigger results. Little acts of love to yourself will go a long way on this journey. The path to healing is long and ever evolving, but you don’t have to be fully healed to be happy, to be loved, to love or to grow and succeed. Don’t let your traumas stop you from being the best version you can be. These traumas don’t define you nor do they define your future. You can heal and grow at the same time. You can be healing and still feel happiness. These things can coexist with each other. So be easy on yourself. Your soul is fragile and needs lots of love from you. 

I’m here if you want to talk. Email is always open for you.

xo, J

Personal reflections: Living, dealing and healing from a drug addicted and/or alcoholic parent.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this one because it’s still so fresh… My father is still currently battling alcoholism and has since I was a baby. I’ve begged him to stop drinking since I was a child. By the age of 16 I knew there was nothing I could do or say that would make my dad stop drinking and using drugs. I was a daddy’s girl and was very protective over my dad which caused me to enable him. I would say things like, “Yes dad, have a beer, but only one.” “Please don’t sniff that line dad, just have some beer instead.” But I also have to remember that regardless of if I gave him ‘permission’ to drink or not, he will find a way to do what he wants. There were times where he lived with me (as an adult), and I had rules to how drunk he could get because I have had enough of dealing with my drunk father growing up. I want to help him, but I also have to protect my mental health as well. Knowing damn well that having my alcoholic father live with me while he still abuses alcohol and drugs was never good for my mental health to begin with, but there was no way I would allow my dad to be homeless. He has been in and out of rehab and only lasted several months before he relapsed and went back to his old ways. Nothing was going to stop my dad until he wanted to or until he was forced. I want to mention that my dad is an army veteran with PTSD and other mental health issues like depression and anxiety, so he turns to alcohol to numb his pain and wash away his worries. He realizes that it’s only a temporary fix, so he decides to start drinking from the time he wakes up until he goes back to sleep. Like clockwork.

It took me a while to realize that I was enabling my dad, but I felt like out of all the crap people in my dad’s life that take advantage of him and never help him out, I felt like my dad needed someone like me in his life. This was how I felt. He knows he can always come to me because I have nothing but love for him. Yes he has hurt me a lot with his addictions, but I have forgiven him and his illness because he too has had a hard upbringing. We have to remember that our parents also had a childhood and a life before us. Unhealed, our childhood traumas follow us into adulthood. I try to picture people as a child to understand them better. Everyone needs someone with some empathy in them to understand just a glimpse of our lives and traumas. Sometimes an abuser just needs to know they aren’t alone, that they do have something to live for and that someone in this world does love them.

My dad has continued to try to get clean. He has significantly reduced his drug use over the years, but alcoholism has continued to haunt him. He has realized that his drinking is starting to affect his body and organs. Right now he is dealing with several medical issues associated with his drinking and unhealthy living habits. With the help, guidance and love of God and reading the bible, my dad has put in a real effort to change his life around. He doesn’t want to hit rock bottom again and lose everything like he did 12 years ago. He has worked too hard and I believe God still has a purpose for him here because of everything terrible he has gone through, he is still alive. Recently my dad has had a major surgery and is scheduled for another surgery in a month. He now has no choice but to stop drinking and abusing his vessel that God has blessed him with. 

I’ve learned from dealing with my dad that either they will decide to stop drinking or it will be decided for them one way or another. We have to remember that we cannot force our parents or loved one to stop drinking and using drugs if they do not want to put the work in to actually quit and fight temptations. We also have to remember that it isn’t our fault they are like this and that this disease is not truly who they are. They are a different person under the influence. They are hurt and broken inside and are finding a way to numb it. Many won’t admit, some will acknowledge it. It’s important to protect your mental health and energy and remind yourself that they do love you under all of the rage of alcohol and/or drugs. I am still healing from the trauma around my dad’s alcoholism and drug addiction. All we can continue doing is pray to God that he will save them and guide them onto the right path to Him. Leave all of your burdens at God’s feet and watch Him work

I hope someone reading this that is dealing with something similar can take something away from this post. I don’t have it figured out and the only psychology background I have is some college classes. I just wanted to share my personal opinions and reflections I’ve made over many years of living with this. Thank you for reading 🤍

A little pep talk – Self love manifestation

There’s something about working on yourself that makes you feel so damn powerful. This feeling doesn’t come on immediately, but when you’ve put in the work and you start feeling the changes, it hits you. YOU did that sis!!!! You started from square one and picked yourself up and put yourself back together. All the books you’ve read, podcasts you’ve listened to, the amount of prayers you prayed for this healing. It’s all falling into place on its own, slowly but surely.

It feels good. It feels so damn good to have control over your reactions to other people’s bullshit. It feels damn good to not allow other people’s bullshit affect your mental health and inner peace no more. It feels realllllll good to love yourself from inside-out, head to toe. All of you. Because not only did God create a beautiful human being, but you helped build this woman up to who she is now. And for that you should be proud. Regardless if you ‘made it’ yet or if you still have a long way to go. You are still further today than you were 3 years ago and even 3 months ago!! Each day is progress, you just have to keep choosing to win. Discipline will keep you going when the results aren’t completely visible. Keep putting in that work because it will pay off. It will only make you a better person.

You are doing this for YOU. Remember that. It’s your life and you are your priority! You cannot and will not pour from an empty cup. You deserve better and your family deserves better. Love yourself first and always.

xo, J

What to expect from this blog & a little about me, the writer!

Hiii!!

Introductions are usually very awkward for me as I am an introvert, but I do enjoy deep conversations. I usually want to skip over the fluff and get into the good stuff. So that’s exactly what we are going to do here. My name is Janice (or J) and I’m the creator & designer of this blog and shop. I’m a mom to an awesome kid and a crazy animal lady. I literally run off coffee and kisses. I love being near water (ocean, lakes, streams, etc.) Nature brings me so much peace! It’s my escape. I am a budding plant mom who was never able to keep a plant alive to now having a bunch of thriving houseplants thanks to the pandemic. I consider myself pretty intuitive and spiritual, but don’t get me confused. I just know how to listen, observe and feel in tuned with my body. Being an empath definitely helps. I praise God and you’ll see me mention Him throughout this blog because He is a huge part in my life, and He is where the joy is. You don’t need to be a believer in God to follow or benefit from my work, it just wouldn’t be genuine of me if I don’t mention God while sharing my healing journey because he was there along the entire way. He is the reason I am still here today.

The main purpose of this blog is to share my life lessons & experiences which may include all things self-love, mental health, healing, as well as sharing my clean beauty secrets, self-care hacks and pep talks to empower others to be great!! I also create lovely art printables and other goodies in my Etsy shop. (Your support means the world to me!) You will get a good mix of things on this blog, and I hope that you find something that you can benefit from or apply to your own life. By being vulnerable and sharing my personal experiences I pray that someone reading this will be touched in some way to take action as well. My email list is where you want to be because that is where I will share raw stories not on the blog, along with occasional pep talks & affirmations so be sure to sign up for that under the contact tab. Don’t worry, the emails won’t come too often. & You’ll also get first access to any sales I may have going on in the shop!!

Now it’s your turn to introduce yourself! Comment here or shoot me a DM! I would love to connect more with you!!

xo, J