aligning yourself – Strength Scripted

Define Self-Love. How do you even achieve self love?!

What is Self-Love?

The average person may say, “it’s when you love yourself.” Sure, that’s a very broad way of saying it. However, the real answer to “What is Self-Love?” is complex and powerful and it’s something you and I need in our lives. Trust me on this.

Self-Love is the mindfulness you have with yourself and your needs. You trust and listen to your body, your heart and your gut feelings. You’re human, so you forgive your mistakes easily and search for the lessons in the experiences. You are gentle with yourself. You speak highly and kindly to yourself. It’s a beautiful relationship you have built, where you are a priority so your cup must be filled before you pour into others. Your boundaries are solid, your goals are your focus, you are not dependent on no one and nothing. Other people’s words do not alter your moods, vision or feelings about yourself. Other people’s limiting beliefs are not your own and you recognize that many people project onto you what they feel inside about themselves. You are confident in the person you are and what you offer in friendships & relationships thus are selective as to who you allow into your space. Your peace is a priority and your needs matter.

Some of you don’t even realize how you light up rooms, shift atmospheres and carry inspiration, JUST BY BEING YOU. A walking love letter and don’t even know it. Shift that mindset, Babygirl!
Janice Avilla – StrengthScripted.com

I know that was a lot to take in and don’t worry it doesn’t all happen overnight, but allow that to encourage you to start working on becoming the best version of yourself now. You may wonder, how the heck do I even achieve all those things?? To be honest, the biggest thing here is to remember you are human and you make mistakes and it is vital to forgive yourself for every one of those mistakes. Everything happens for a reason and it’s all to prepare you. This self-love movement is a journey! It takes time, energy and patience to join in, but it is worthwhile and I mean that with my whole heart.

The first step is to understand how important you are in this world (even if you don’t really believe it), because you are vital. Understanding that you actually deserve so much better than what you have been getting. Learn to appreciate yourself more by highlighting all the good in you and how strong and capable you really are. The best way to begin with this step is to get yourself a journal and start writing. Ask yourself the hard questions and write without judgment. The more you write the more powerful your journal practice becomes- that’s when big changes happen. Once your mindset is in the right place, your self-care practices will be more successful and impactful. This doesn’t mean to put off your self-care until later, you absolutely should be incorporating self-care into your life every day. Make sure your cup is filled & no leaking before you pour into other people’s cups.

You have to start appreciating all that you bring to your own life because the ironic truth is, you are most attractive when you’re not worried about who& what you’re attracting. When you’re living your life confidently, freely and without restraints, you emit the kind of energy that is impossible to fake.
Janice Avilla – StrengthScripted.com

Your next step is to follow the Strength Scripted blog for more content like this (this is just the beginning!!) and for entertainment purposes, you may want to add me to your Pinterest and Tik Tok timelines for all things motivation, self-care and aesthetics. Lastly, if you’re ready to start your self love journey with some company, join the private ladies group chat that I created over on the telegram app to connect with more women with similar mindsets, goals and to share life experiences and support each other in every way.! It’s free to join but will need to be accepted as it is a private community and I want to keep it safe and personal. Click here to join the private gc! (You’ll have to download the free Telegram app)

You have made it this far and that already says so much about your dedication to your self-love journey. I am SO pumped for you!!! Now let’s get it boo!!

Xo, Janice

What is self care? The most used and abused word.

Let’s dig deeper into the meaning of Self-Care

We need to talk about the real meaning of “self-care” because it has turned into such an overused word that is beginning to change the true meaning of it. Sure many self-care practices involve bath bombs, skin care routines, yoga etc. but the more vital part of self-care is why you’re doing it, how it makes you feel and how it’s helping you improve yourself worth, self love and confidence. There’s more to self care than bath bombs.

Self-care is building an unbreakable bond between your mind, body and soul.
Janice Avilla @strengthscripted

I don’t make self-care a priority because it’s fun and trendy. I make my self-care a priority because it fills my cup up. It gives me energy to tackle the day. It lifts me back up after a long hard day. It makes me feel worthy of being loved by myself, not others. It makes me happy. I do it for ME. I do it for my son. Because when I take care of myself, I’m more happy and at ease and I can give my best to my son and the people around me.

Practicing self care regularly has allowed me to connect more deeply with myself. I am more in tune with my mind and body. I can read the signs my body is giving more clearly. I know when my period is coming, estimate when I’m ovulating, and recognize that certain pain in my body is my mind trying to distract me from something bigger. I can identify the emotions I’m feeling and help myself process those feelings accordingly. My anxiety has gotten better because I can organize my thoughts and determine whether they are rational or not. I have created my own inner happiness that is untouched by my environment. All because of my commitment to self-care

I have created my own inner happiness that is untouched by my environment. All because of my commitment to self-care.
Janice @StrengthScripted

Society and big brands trying to sell you their products slap the “self-care” word all over their marketing and hope people will fall for it. Influencers claim if you use their essential oils or bath bomb then you will feel so much happy and fulfilled because of this self care act. In reality, people need to look within and find what you actually need to feel fulfilled. Everyone’s self care needs are different and no one can tell you what YOU need to do for self care to fill YOUR cup up and improve YOUR self love. If you don’t like to take baths then what good are bath bombs gonna be? What works for some might not work that well for you.

My biggest advice for beginning your actual self-care journey is to journal. Write down anything that comes to mind, everything that makes you happy, things you love, things you want to do someday, your goals, dreams, desired lifestyle, etc. etc. Just write. You will get to know yourself in your journal and begin building your self-care routine that’s catered specifically to you. It’s much more special when you build your own routine. I would check out The Self Love Journal that I created to help you get started. It’s a workbook style PDF with journal prompts, self care planner etc to help guide you on your journey. [Check the shop tab on top or click the link above]. It’s what helped me so much on my own journey so I worked really hard to put a book together to share with others. When I began this journey I was alone and didn’t know others who were interested in anything self-care (explains all the burnout in the workplace), but you don’t have to feel that way because I am here for you! My mission here is to create a community for women who are all on their self-care/love journey that can share their experience and advice to others and help build each other up. If you’re interested in joining the group chat, please comment below or email me directly [check the contact tab] so I can add you. It’s a secure and private chat vetted personally by me!

Lastly, I hope that this post has resonated with you and has given you the motivation to make self-care a priority to you. If you’re still feeling a bit unsure, join the chat and start there or purchase the The Self Love journal to get started. But you don’t really need any of these, just yourself. You got this!!! One stepping stone at a time.

Now go be great!

Xo, J

Grounding/Earthing. What is grounding? Why do people do it? How does it benefit you?

G R O U N D I N G | E A R T H I N G

When I started grounding, I did not go into it open minded. I thought it was a silly weird thing to do or even to believe it will actually affect you. I was young, always on the go, hanging out all night, work, school, friends, boyfriend, dogs etc. You name it! I was full of stress and anxiety. I didn’t think it changed anything for me besides now my feet are dirty!

Fast forward to almost three years ago, I was a new mom, doing it all alone while my husband worked long hours, my baby was colic with reflux, my dog passed a month after my son was born, and I was pouring from an empty cup that had a small leak to begin with. I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety and was prescribed medication- which I refused to take. I hated the thought of needing medication to feel like myself (no shame in taking medications though! I’m just more of a natural healer). I was also still (trying) to breastfeed- which was a whole other major stressor for me. I just didn’t feel like medication was right for me. So, I tried finding other ways to help- I attended mom groups and playdates with other moms going through similar things, and I did some research because I felt like there was more that was missing from my life that could help me feel better than what I was feeling. I felt so lost and alone. I felt out of touch with my life. It all felt so different and … painful.

Along with this technique, I also performed other self-care things as you will read in my other blog posts here, like journaling, yoga, and creating a skin care and hair care routine.

Embrace the beauty of this journey to self-love, growth and healing. Do what feels right for you and then keep doing it.

Grounding was the first thing I learned about when embarking on this spiritual journey. Another name for it is “Earthing” which is when you are electrically reconnecting to Earth through touch. Doing this consistently can help you feel more relaxed, grow to be more authentic to your body and soul and to be open to receiving Earth’s nourishing energy. Grounding also helps you be more present, feel secure in your own skin and in your life, gives you better sleep, reduces pain, inflammation and stress as well as improves your immunity by neutralizing the free radicals in your body (which are created by some type of infection or inflammation in the body, stress or toxic environment).

You are literally connecting with Earth and it’s actually providing you with incredible benefits!

How to effectively ground yourself physically is to go outside bare feet and just stand, walk or even lay down on the ground. It can be grass, stone, sand, or dirt! It’s even possible to keep your socks on because they are conductive and will still transmit the Earth’s healing energy through to you. Be open minded and ready to accept what Earth has to give to you.

Spiritual grounding is another game changer- some of which can actually fall into the self-care category!! You may already be doing it!

Some ways that I ground spiritually- which brings me physical and emotional balance is:

Clean food & lots of water- Lots of green foods!
Yoga and exercise- I follow what my body needs and wants. Some days I skip if I need a day off. But be sure to identify when you need a day off and when you need some more motivation.
Spend time with my house plants and garden. I really love planting new seeds- THAT’S where the magic happens (to see the growth from a seedling to full bloom) but caring for my plants daily has honestly added so much to my life.
Meditation – I usually do this first thing in the morning for 5-10 minutes and again at night if I feel I can benefit from it. (I incorporate this after I do my journaling & mind dump)
Salt baths- Epsom salt is great (especially for any swelling or inflammation) as well as Himalayan salt.
Go out in nature! A quiet walk, hike, or just sitting outdoors and clear you mind and completely immerse yourself into the sounds, smells and sights of nature.
Eat chocolate!!! Yes, you read that right! Chocolate! But don’t run to the store and buy every chocolate bar and eat your heart out. It has to be raw organic chocolate! Dark chocolate is the next best thing.
Breathwork! This one is new to me, but I have instantly felt the results after each session. Who would’ve known that our breathing can affect us so much! Seriously check out Sam Skelley on Instagram or listen to her podcast or just search breathwork on YouTube.

So how do you feel about Grounding/Earthing now? Are you open to trying it? Have you already done it? Share your story with me! Or share this with a friend who may benefit from it!

xo, J

Journal entry rambles. Some motivation, encouragement and prayer for you!

I’m sharing with you a part of my journal entry.

I hope it will help you like it has helped me. Even if it’s just for today.

Sometimes we wonder how we even got here in the first place. Do we even deserve any of this? Why are things the way they are and why can’t we control more of our surroundings? Life is crazy. It goes up and down and loves to take sudden twists and turns. You learn, laugh and cry along the way. You feel pain and joy. Happiness and sadness. You pray and hope for your desires and dreams to come to life. You do your best to take care of those around you. And life continues to go on. Sometimes what we want doesn’t happen. We don’t get the job we wanted, the client we hoped to sign, the right price on the car you wanted to buy. Things don’t always go the way we want. Or so we thought. Sometimes we have to look beyond our foremost thoughts and change our perceptions. Open your eyes and actually look around you. Are the things you have prayed for actually not there? Or are they just disguised or hidden? Maybe they are there but you are just too distracted by life stressors and focused on the other things you want in the moment?

Have you taken a moment to really appreciate life in full? Have you taken a moment to remove any toxicity and negativity to make room for those blessings? Remember when you prayed for a car and now look at you. Remember when you prayed for the clothing and accessories you have now? The new tech gadgets to keep you connected to friends and family? What about the roof over your head? Good food? More money? Loving spouse? Friendships? More connections? Inner peace? Clear skin? New skills? Healthy growing hair? Your green thumb? Confidence? Ambition? Motivation? Do you remember praying and hoping for any of this several years ago? You have certainly come a long way. Maybe it wasn’t the exact path you wanted.

Sometimes we forget that God comes through on His time and with His plan.

But we also tend to be distracted by everything else. Nowadays everything is moving so fast that we are always focused on the next thing, the next want. That we never really appreciate the good things we have now. Of course, not everything is perfect!! You may be living with a narcissistic spouse, but you get to stay home with your kids in a big house, have all of your bills paid, a nice car, money to play with while building your own business. Or you may be working with a coworker who you cannot stand with a passion, but you enjoy your time with the clients you work with at your dream job. It’s vital to find the good in situations and remember that everything is temporary (for the most part). Your current living situation won’t be the same forever, so try to enjoy the moments you can!! Find the good in every situation you face and find comfort in knowing that your life won’t be the same forever, things will change and keep moving. You will heal and move forward with life. With faith in God, everything will be okay. You just have to keep going, keep praying and keep your faith high. Even when times feel so hard that you can’t keep doing it, drop to your knees and give your burdens to God to handle then release it. Find comfort in knowing that he is working even when you think he has forgotten. He has not and will never forget. Have faith that God will take care of it.

Now, take a deep breath and blowwww out anything heavy you are holding on to. Release it all in that forceful blow of air. Take another deep breath and release. Everything is working in your favor even if it doesn’t seem like so.

Now go be great!

xo, J

I’m back on TikTok… Maybe! (Video)

Hiiiii! Hope you are doing fabulous and you’re weekend is full of relaxation, laughter and peace.

I wanted to share with you my latest video I created on TikTok! I’ve made a few videos in the past but this is my first one in a while! Should I keep making more like this? Try something different? Or should I just stay off TikTok?? I wanna hear what you think! I honestly really enjoyed creating these kinds of videos and would like to do more if you guys like them!

Check it out below!

If you wanna follow me on TikTok my handle is “StrengthScripted”!! Follow me and I’ll follow back 🤍

xo, J

Why did I get into self-care and why YOU should to!

Sometimes awful situations lead us to great things.

Please set your triggers to the side and read this post with an open mind and heart. I’m going to talk about a rough phase in my life that I am still healing from till this day. I will spare the details for maybe a future blog post(s), but for now I just want to share when self-care became a vital part in my life and how it got me out of the dark place I was in for so long.

It was my first year being a mom. A time I expected to be one of the happiest and joyful times in my life, but instead was filled with stress, anxiety, anger, and pain. A lot of pain. The following 3-4 years weren’t much different. In fact, it got worse. I will sum it up by saying one thing… I was suffering from abuse in many forms by a loved one. At the same time dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety. I was forced into a very dark place, and I had no idea what was happening. Life just passed me by. I was always so sad and hurt that I couldn’t enjoy my new baby or motherhood. I viewed myself in such a negative way it was heart shattering. I didn’t believe I was worthy enough of anything. I literally thought I looked “disgusting” with the extra baby weight and stretch marks. I would speak to myself so harshly when I made simple human mistakes. A lot of this was just me repeating what has been said to me so much that I started to identify as it.

I am so thankful to my doctor for noticing signs of postpartum depression from me because she was the one who referred me to this awesome therapist. Unfortunately, I withheld the part of spousal abuse when I spoke with her every week. Again, I identified with the things he was saying to me, so it was easy to claim them as my own words. So, she had no idea what I was going through and thinking back now I regret not telling her because she probably could’ve helped me more. However, during one of our sessions she asked me, “What are you doing for self-care?” I literally had to ask her what exactly falls under self-care because I cannot remember the last time I did something for myself besides taking a quick 10 minute shower, especially as a new mom. (btw a shower is a basic life necessity, not your self-care for the day!) I had no time, energy, or desire to do anything for myself after finishing all my mom and wife duties. But she goes on to say, “you cannot keep running on E. You have to fill your tank up too so that you can be the best mom and wife.” So I say, “Okay, I get that. But how do I even fit doing things for myself with my busy schedule? I don’t even see it being worth my time or effort.”

That’s where the problem was. I didn’t see self-care as being worth the time and effort which truly meant I didn’t see myself as important enough to care for. I didn’t value my needs and wants. I didn’t see the importance of my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellness. I needed to completely shift this mindset I had about myself because it was so damaging and extremely limiting. This kind of thinking kept me in this dark bubble. A dark comfy bubble. It didn’t allow me to grow or to even be mindful enough to see the signs my body was giving me. This kind of mindset kept me numb and going through each day looking forward to bedtime.

After talking more with my therapist, I realize I’m going to have to do some real work if I want a change in my life and to find the joy in things again. The first step was incorporating different forms of self-care into my life at least 1-2 times per week. This came in the form of journaling, yoga, doing my makeup, skin care, coffee outdoors, walks by the water, taking care of my natural hair, writing, and some other things I cannot remember right now. It was over the course of several years that I started these self-care habits so don’t think I began doing all of these things the next day. Journaling is the very first thing I started doing. I have always loved to write so this one was kind of easy for me to start. If you don’t make it easy or fun, you won’t be motivated at all to do it. Makeup was tough because I was limited on time, but it was something I really enjoyed doing before I became a mom so I would try to do my makeup whenever I could. Then I ran into skin care issues from wearing the makeup so naturally I transitioned to skin care and clean beauty products as a part of my self-care. I chose Sundays as my mini spa day where I would do hair and face masks (usually DIY from Pinterest) and eventually started painting my nails as well.

I just found things to do that brought me happiness, even if it was super small. I felt really good after doing my morning skin routine and going through the week with my nails painted. The more I noticed positive results from doing these self-care tasks, the more I wanted to do them. Whether it was feelings of happiness and being proud that I checked off self-care from my to-do list or seeing physical results from doing the yoga, walking and exercising and even my clear skin, I wanted to keep doing it. It made me feel good about my appearance, yes, but it made me feel so damn good inside at the same time. I felt worthy again. Like I deserve so much better. Self-care gave me a new perspective on life. It helped me crawl out of the depression hole and appreciate and love myself from the inside out, no matter what outside influences say. It made me realize how poorly I have been treating myself, how much I have been suffering and how much I have been suppressing my emotions as well. I was no longer numb to life.

If you related to anything I said, even if it was just one statement. I urge you to start taking self-care more seriously. Do things for you unapologetically with no regrets. Love all of you and pour into yourself consistently so that you can continue to pour into everyone around you. Self-care is defined by how you want to define it. My definition is taking care of all of you in every way necessary because you matter so damn much. Regardless of what, your presence in this world matters and you are here for a purpose!!

Continue to follow this blog for all things self-care, self-love and mental wellness.

Now go be great,

xo, J

Creating the life you desire. How do you bring more happiness, peace, and positivity to your life?

How do you find happiness in the midst of chaos? We know that happiness comes from inside… but it is so hard to not allow other people around you to affect your happiness. Especially if they are very negative people with bad energy or if they treat you poorly and make you feel awful about yourself. It’s hard to not believe something if someone is constantly repeating it to you.Your environment plays a big role in your happiness and mindset.

The way you speak to yourself is SO vital in combating any negativity that has entered your mind. Speak positively to yourself all the time! When you find yourself thinking ugly thoughts about yourself immediately distract that thought with something else. That is not really YOU talking so you have full permission to shut that voice up. It’s taking valuable head space away from you. So make sure you are “washing” those negative thoughts away with positive thoughts and change the narrative.

I heard this analogy before and I love it so if you’re a visual person like myself you may find it useful. Think of your brain like a cup of clear water. When dirty water (negative thoughts) gets inside it starts to cloud the clean cup of water. So in order to get that water clean again, you have to pour clean water (positive thoughts & self talk, inspiration etc) into the cup as many times as you need to to flush that dirty water out. Same with your brain. You watch a few upsetting videos on social media, now you feel a bit down. Ever notice that? Sometimes you can even feel it in your body! That’s when it’s your job to step in and fill your mind with other things that will make you feel happy, strong, ambitious, etc.

When you make a mistake, be more understanding!! Instead of calling yourself “stupid for not doing xyz” or “so selfish and careless for forgetting that thing.” Try spinning it around. Instead say, “it stinks I forgot xyz but no worries next time I will find a way to remind myself better.”

Just like when you are trying to change something about yourself, like I mentioned in previous blog posts, it’s a mindset game – you repeat it to yourself until you believe it for yourself. This goes for both positive and negative things. If you are constantly saying, “I’m broke”… guess who will most likely stay that way? Same goes for if someone is constantly telling you how “worthless” you are- even if you don’t want to admit it or maybe you don’t even realize, but that sits in your subconscious mind and it will manifest.

Talking down to yourself after a mistake doesn’t correct the mistake and it most likely won’t prevent another one. You have to forgive yourself! There might be a reason you’ve been so forgetful lately (lack of sleep, stress, etc.) or a reason why you have no energy to get all the things done (no self-care, burning out, overwhelm etc.). It’s important to pay attention to your body and the signs your body tries to give you.

Be more mindful next time you are on social media, chatting with a friend or relative that likes to gossip, etc and think about how you feel afterwards. Do you feel some joy? Energized in some way? Sad and unmotivated? Are the negative thoughts you had during that time still in your mind for a few hours after or maybe the rest of the day? Once you realize what you feed your mind has control over how you feel and your mood then YOU have the power.

You are in control of the company you keep. You are in control of the shows and videos you watch. You are in control of what music you listen to. All of these influences are outside, but are still in your control- so be very mindful of this. Create a life you desire, whether that’s full of positivity, surrounded by great people, etc. Take the actions to start manifesting it. If you want to be surrounded by kind people, put yourself in positions to meet these kinds of people. Join a book club, go golfing, go to museums, find a church that vibes with you etc. If you want more positivity in your life then cater to that. Tweak your social media timelines and accounts you follow to show things that bring you happiness, joy and laughter, write affirmations and positive quotes on sticky notes and hang them around your home or create a wallpaper for your phone with these affirmations and quotes. Simple acts like these can be more beneficial than you realize.

Journal prompt:

What kind of life do you want to create for yourself?

Forgiving and healing your hurt inner child. Personal experiences.

There is no secret formula or pill you can take to make all your childhood traumas (and other traumas) disappear like they’ve never happened. I wish, for everyone’s sake, there was. Everyone’s journey is unique to them so no two people will share the exact same path to healing. Healing happens within and is catered to you and your emotions, mindset, and environment, etc. There are so many moving factors, and some things may work now and stop working in the future and that’s okay!! It’s totally normal because your healing journey is supposed to evolve. It shouldn’t be linear because we are complex humans with complex emotions. So don’t freak out if there is a change to your coping habits and healing techniques. The best thing you can do for yourself is to continue learning. Research! Research! Research! Read books, blogs, talk to professionals, join support groups (in person or online). Gather knowledge on what you need to help your healing journey continuously improve. You cannot learn everything from one person or one post or book or podcast episode. However, you can gain so much by hearing other people’s healing journeys because you might learn something that you can incorporate into your life that can really help change things for the better, which is what I hope to achieve with this blog. It’s small actions that make big differences!!! And this doesn’t only pertain to healing from traumas relating to your childhood- it can be any trauma you have endured in life.

I am at the beginning of healing from my childhood traumas. It seems like a new one pops up every time I think I’m making progress, which only means that I am learning more and more about myself, which is a good thing. It’s crazy how certain things that happen in your childhood can have such a huge impact on your adult self. From the choices you make, the way you think, your self-esteem, what triggers you, your behavior during conflict, and even causes mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. This could all be prevented and/or treated with the right help and awareness,

As always, please please please seek professional help from a therapist or psychologist when needed!! Sometimes when we are uncovering traumas and attempting to heal from them, it can be very triggering and emotional and hard to deal with at times. So please have someone you can call if you feel like you are feeling a little out of control!

It is NOT your fault. It was never your fault. You were never to blame regardless of what happened or what anyone said. You were meant to be here. You have a purpose in this world even if you have no clue what that purpose is now. You may be fulfilling it without even knowing. It’s important to remove all blame off of you when you begin this journey. You need to forgive yourself for things you had no control over.

Journaling will help you uncover your traumas, deep truths, and heal.

Journaling will be life changing for you! Even if you aren’t healing your inner child or other traumas. The way you approach journaling is vital. Your intention behind it is important as well as how you write. The goal is not to keep a day-to-day diary of what you did. You want to write about your emotions, the traumas, why you act the way you do, why you behave the way you do, how you picture your life to be, how you want your days to actually look like, the goals you want to accomplish, etc. You want to be as honest as possible when you are writing and DO NOT stop yourself from writing something you maybe don’t believe because there is truth in there. Just allow yourself to freely write. After you’ve got it all out, shift the narrative to a positive one. You are becoming a happier person, you do love the way you look, you can be in crowded places, you are on the path to becoming free from your abuser, you are healing every day. Whatever your story is!! Just start journaling! (Check out my other blog posts where I talk more about journaling and how it has helped me tremendously)

One piece of important advice I could give you is to not keep circling around the “should of’s.” Don’t bury yourself in resentments and regrets. You didn’t know what you do now so you cannot blame yourself for making certain choices or going through certain situations. You were doing the best you could. What you can do is find a lesson or something positive from every situation no matter the circumstance. You either came out stronger, wiser, more resilient, confident, loving, caring, motivated, etc. SOMETHING. You have to try your best to find the good in things. Shift your perspective. Sometimes it’s easier to understand things from another point of view.

Acknowledge your pain and hurt. Your feelings and emotions are valid, and you absolutely did not deserve what you went through. Don’t suppress your feelings anymore or try to distract yourself from these feelings. That’s not healing anything. Feel them, process them, and release them. I personally release my burdens and struggles at the feet of our Lord. That gives me great comfort. However, you can do other actions that can feel cleansing or as a way of detoxing. Allow yourself to cry. Ugly cry, scream, punch a pillow. Let yourself release the emotions that have been suppressed for so long. Once you get it out or before you even finish, jump in a hot shower. Imagine the water washing away the hurt, the anguish, the suffering, the negative thoughts, all of it, down the drain. Imagine the shower cleansing you of all of your pain and traumas and watch it go down the drain. Finish the last 10 seconds of your shower with cold water. This physical act can bring you some comfort on your healing journey, there are other things you can do as well, but this is a start.

Like I said before, it’s little actions every day that accumulate and compound into bigger results. Little acts of love to yourself will go a long way on this journey. The path to healing is long and ever evolving, but you don’t have to be fully healed to be happy, to be loved, to love or to grow and succeed. Don’t let your traumas stop you from being the best version you can be. These traumas don’t define you nor do they define your future. You can heal and grow at the same time. You can be healing and still feel happiness. These things can coexist with each other. So be easy on yourself. Your soul is fragile and needs lots of love from you.

I’m here if you want to talk. Email is always open for you.

xo, J

The journey of loving my natural self, including my wild curly hair.

It is time to start embracing your natural appearance!

I can picture her now. The little girl with super frizzy curls whose parents had no idea how to care for them. Years of brushing my dry curls, adding no products, no nutrients or moisture and lots and lots of ponytails. Then middle school hit, and the crunchy gel covered curls were in, but my hair was so unhealthy, brittle, lacking significant moisture, and my curls were wavier so my ‘curls’ didn’t look like the other girls. I hated my hair with a passion. It wasn’t until high school when I got a hold of my first flat iron. FORGET ITTTTT. CURLS WHERE?!

Oh, this straight hair gave me LIFE. It gave me more confidence and gave me a new look. But looking back at it now, this confidence felt more superficial. Hidden under a face of makeup and a flat iron. I felt fierce asf though don’t get me wrong but at the end of the day I was tired of this ‘look’ I had to keep up with daily. It was heavy on my heart and felt very inauthentic to my core. I didn’t feel beautiful in my own skin, and I knew that was something I needed to work on. It wasn’t healthy to live this way because if I didn’t love myself then who would? Self-love is the most important kind of love.

Women need to realize that we set the standards for how we want to be loved by someone else.

Moving forward, I decided to put down the flat iron and wear my hair natural. I am not going to lie to you, it was very hard for the first 6 months to a year as I learned how to wash, style, and sleep with my curls, and which products are good for my hair and each of their purposes. Man, it is a lot of work to manage a head of curls!! But I am sooo happy I did it. Fast forward a couple years to the current day of me having healthy, defined, bouncing coiled curls!!! My confidence took a huge leap! It wasn’t until I learned to love my appearance without makeup and a flat iron that I reached true self love. The biggest lesson I learned was that we are all so beautiful in our own unique ways. All we have to do is be kind to ourselves, focus on what we love about ourselves, nurture our mind, body & spirit, and create your own personalized self-care routines for your hair and skin. Simple care goes a long way. When you show yourself appreciation, it will repay you double. A happy you is a successful you.

Treat your natural hair and skin like a flower and help it to flourish.

However, as the years went on and I adopted a journaling practice, I realized that my confidence and self-love was more than just my hair. It was about loving exactly how God created me. Every imperfection was made perfectly in His eyes. He made no mistake. Now it’s our job to love every bit of ourselves, His creation. Why try to change your appearance to look like the rest of the world?! There is no one in this world like YOU. No one talks like you, thinks like you, cares like you, or creates like you. Sure, call it cliche, but cliches are usually TRUE! THERE IS ONLY ONE OF YOU!!!! So act like it.

Now go be great.

xo, J

A little pep talk – Self love manifestation

There’s something about working on yourself that makes you feel so damn powerful. This feeling doesn’t come on immediately, but when you’ve put in the work and you start feeling the changes, it hits you. YOU did that sis!!!! You started from square one and picked yourself up and put yourself back together. All the books you’ve read, podcasts you’ve listened to, the amount of prayers you prayed for this healing. It’s all falling into place on its own, slowly but surely.

It feels good. It feels so damn good to have control over your reactions to other people’s bullshit. It feels damn good to not allow other people’s bullshit affect your mental health and inner peace no more. It feels realllllll good to love yourself from inside-out, head to toe. All of you. Because not only did God create a beautiful human being, but you helped build this woman up to who she is now. And for that you should be proud. Regardless if you ‘made it’ yet or if you still have a long way to go. You are still further today than you were 3 years ago and even 3 months ago!! Each day is progress, you just have to keep choosing to win. Discipline will keep you going when the results aren’t completely visible. Keep putting in that work because it will pay off. It will only make you a better person.

You are doing this for YOU. Remember that. It’s your life and you are your priority! You cannot and will not pour from an empty cup. You deserve better and your family deserves better. Love yourself first and always.

xo, J

The signs your body gives when its had enough. It’s time to listen and shift your mindset.

The thing about always putting others needs first and going through life without healing from all the trauma you have been through, you neglect yourself more than you realize and your whole self will feel it so deeply. Many of us can’t even put a name to it or even pinpoint why you feel so damn shitty all the time no matter what you do or how much sleep you get. You’re always tired, irritable, easily triggered, uneasy, stressed, anxiety riddled and may even be having physical symptoms like back pain, headaches, acne or even stomach discomfort (nausea, poop issues). Yessss self neglect can show up in many ways!!!!! It’s a snowball effect. Your body starts showing you that something isn’t right within you by messing with your moods or causing more anxiety than usual.

When we continue living life ignoring these symptoms of your body’s cry for help, they begin to grow and evolve inside you and show up in other ways like making you super irritable at your kids, husband or friends then you start experiencing headaches or stomach pains on a weekly basis now. Like seriously we need to stop living our lives putting all of our needs on the back burner because of all that is expected of us.

So what can we do to begin releasing and restoring ourselves?

There’s too much picture perfect filtered image that people paint for us that it makes it too easy to compare our lives to. We need to put the phone down and look in the mirror. Tell yourself how beautiful, strong and blessed you are and all other affirmations you need to hear. Do this daily! Then make yourself a cup of coffee and tea then pick up your journal and pen and start writing!! Allow yourself to write anything that comes to mind, even if you don’t believe it right now. Release all your fears and hopes and dreams into your journal. When you’re done you can sort your fears into the right category in your mind. Not all of your fears are rational but sometimes your mind will fully believe them. You literally have to shift the narrative in your journal to embed it into your mind. Instead of saying,” I’m so inconsistent.” Try, “I am working on becoming more consistent every day. I’m so glad that I have created a schedule to help me become more consistent” or “I’m so thankful that I can feel myself becoming more motivated to continue my consistency.” Your brain can’t really determine the truth from a lie, but it will believe what you write and think. So when you journal or while you allow your mind to drift into your thoughts- make sure you are controlling the narrative you are telling yourself.

As long as you continue caring what people think of you, it will forever eat you alive. People’s negative image of you has more to do with themselves more than anything. They see things in you they wish they had, you are doing things they wish they could, and you carry yourself in a way they could never. Don’t forget who tf you are. Focus on your self care, personal development and bettering yourself in every way.

Listen, God made every part of you PERFECT to His standards and we need to learn to love all of it. We only get one body, one mind, one soul, one life. Let’s love every part and rejoice in God’s blessings!! He is the only opinion that should matter to us!

Now go be great!

xo, J

More than self-care. Mind, body and soul nurturing.

Self-care is more than doing things that brings you instant gratification or temporary happiness. It’s deeper than that. Self-care should be focused on caring and nurturing your whole self. Your body, mind and soul. Something simple like a hot bath can be used to nurture your body, but when you add a book, some candles and a yummy smelling bath bomb then it starts to nurture your mind as well. Playing meditation music in the background can make this task focus on all three areas of self-care!! Yesss please!

It’s important to make sure you are including self-care activities that focus on the different areas because if we only did things that cared for our body, then our mind and soul is neglected. Try to find ways to improve your self-care routine by making sure they focus on your mind, body and soul. Another example could be- going for a walk. But instead of just walking, you can either listen to meditation music or an educational podcast- both will nurture your mind, but another option is to listen to nature. Be fully present and listen for the birds, the wind blowing the trees, the squirrels running, the high tide river, etc. all the noises of nature can bring you spiritual peace which in turn will bring you mental peace.

The last example I will give you is doing a mind dump where you literally dump everything on your mind onto a piece of paper. Messy, unorganized thoughts just written out in any order. Once your mind is clear, journal! Start with a simple question like- “What will you surrender in order to protect your peace today/this week?” or “What kind of lifestyle do you want? How exactly do I want my days to look like?” Then start writing. Visualize yourself being that person as you write. Don’t stop your thoughts, just write it all down in your journal. Do this daily and find different journal prompts that work for you and watch real change start to happen. (Follow this blog because I enjoy sharing journal prompts that I love or sign up for me email newsletter here.) If you are a beginner or fairly new to journaling, I would suggest purchasing my Self Love Journal. It’s a PDF file so you can print it out and immediately get to work. It’s available under the “Shop” tab above and at my Etsy shop and you’ll be able to read more in detail what it includes. It’s absolutely worth it!!

When we care for all three parts of us, we will achieve a whole new level of SELF LOVE and peace. In your self-care time, you will learn so much about yourself; what you truly enjoy doing, what brings you real happiness and gets the happy hormones firing, what helps you fully relax, how you recharge, what gets you excited, etc. Feeling aligned within and focusing on filling your cup up, you allow yourself to experience life differently. We are a little less tense, a little less stressed, more gentle, more positive, more loving. It’s the start to a whole new perspective on life. A whole new YOU.

I hope that you benefited from this post in some way. I’d love to hear your self-care routines! Comment below with yours! 🙂

xo, J