Category Archives: Wellness

Define Self-Love. How do you even achieve that?!

What is Self-Love?

The average person may say, “it’s when you love yourself.” Sure, that’s a very broad way of saying it. However, the real answer to “What is Self-Love?” is complex and powerful and it’s something you and I need in our lives. Trust me on this.

Self-Love is the mindfulness you have with yourself and your needs. You trust and listen to your body, your heart and your gut feelings. You’re human, so you forgive your mistakes easily and search for the lessons in the experiences. You are gentle with yourself. You speak highly and kindly to yourself. It’s a beautiful relationship you have built, where you are a priority so your cup must be filled before you pour into others. Your boundaries are solid, your goals are your focus, you are not dependent on no one and nothing. Other people’s words do not alter your moods, vision or feelings about yourself. Other people’s limiting beliefs are not your own and you recognize that many people project onto you what they feel inside about themselves. You are confident in the person you are and what you offer in friendships & relationships thus are selective as to who you allow into your space. Your peace is a priority and your needs matter. 

Some of you don’t even realize how you light up rooms, shift atmospheres and carry inspiration, JUST BY BEING YOU. A walking love letter and don’t even know it. Shift that mindset, Babygirl!

Janice Avilla – StrengthScripted.com

I know that was a lot to take in and don’t worry it doesn’t all happen overnight, but allow that to encourage you to start working on becoming the best version of yourself now. You may wonder, how the heck do I even achieve all those things?? To be honest, the biggest thing here is to remember you are human and you make mistakes and it is vital to forgive yourself for every one of those mistakes. Everything happens for a reason and it’s all to prepare you. This self-love movement is a journey! It takes time, energy and patience to join in, but it is worthwhile and I mean that with my whole heart. 

The first step is to understand how important you are in this world (even if you don’t really believe it), because you are vital. Understanding that you actually deserve so much better than what you have been getting. Learn to appreciate yourself more by highlighting all the good in you and how strong and capable you really are. The best way to begin with this step is to get yourself a journal and start writing. Ask yourself the hard questions and write without judgment. The more you write the more powerful your journal practice becomes- that’s when big changes happen. Once your mindset is in the right place, your self-care practices will be more successful and impactful. This doesn’t mean to put off your self-care until later, you absolutely should be incorporating self-care into your life every day. Make sure your cup is filled & no leaking before you pour into other people’s cups.

You have to start appreciating all that you bring to your own life because the ironic truth is, you are most attractive when you’re not worried about who& what you’re attracting. When you’re living your life confidently, freely and without restraints, you emit the kind of energy that is impossible to fake.

Janice Avilla – StrengthScripted.com

Your next step is to follow the Strength Scripted blog for more content like this (this is just the beginning!!) and for entertainment purposes, you may want to add me to your Pinterest and Tik Tok timelines for all things motivation, self-care and aesthetics. Lastly, if you’re ready to start your self love journey with some company, join the private ladies group chat that I created over on the telegram app to connect with more women with similar mindsets, goals and to share life experiences and support each other in every way.! It’s free to join but will need to be accepted as it is a private community and I want to keep it safe and personal. Click here to join the private gc! (You’ll have to download the free Telegram app)

You have made it this far and that already says so much about your dedication to your self-love journey. I am SO pumped for you!!! Now let’s get it boo!!

Xo, Janice

What’s in your beauty products?

This blog post started as a comparison article on two brands of skin care cleanser and moisturizer (which I still may do). However, something else was weighing heavy on my chest… during my research, I realized that not every product (in what I thought was the cleaner skin care brand) was actually not free of harmful chemicals. There was still a chemical or two that got into the formula! You may think, “eh, just one harmful ingredient? Not a big deal.” What if I said that this one ingredient in the face cleanser “some studies indicate toxic effects on blood and liver. It is also suspected to have effects on hormones and fertility.” Let me repeat that, A FACE CLEANSER! The most mind blowing thing about this is why is a face cleanser affecting fertility and other organs in your body?!? How is an ingredient like this even allowed in the products we use on our skin?? And what other products do we have to worry about??

I know that many products nowadays are filled with toxins and so sometimes certain warnings on products don’t really concern you because “it’s just another one added to the list,” but please know that every effort you take to reduce and minimize the amount of toxins you are exposed to on a daily basis will make a difference. Don’t be okay with another toxic product being added to your list, take control of your life and be mindful of the products you and your family are using. There are safe products out there, you just gotta find them. (But don’t worry, that’s one of the reasons that I created this blog in the first place, to spread this awareness!)

When I started this clean beauty journey I was aware of harmful chemicals in beauty and wellness products, I just didn’t know what the chemicals were, what they actually caused, or what products they were in. That’s when I made the decision to search for healthier clean products for myself and my family. I took matters into my own hands and I stopped allowing advertisements and influencers to persuade me to buy certain things without first doing my research.

It started with hair care. Then moved on to skin care. By this time I’m fed up with the amount of carcinogens, endocrine disruptors, and other irritants in my hair and skin care products, but then my eyes OPENED. What other things in my home have these harmful chemicals?!?! The laundry detergent, dish soap, house cleaning supplies, body soap, and other cosmetics like lash extension glue, acrylic nails, hair dye, and most concerning: FOOD, the list goes on!!!! My goodness, how is this even allowed!? There are many ingredients in beauty products and food products that are banned in other countries but are being served to Americans on a daily basis. Why aren’t more people talking about this?! Why is nothing being done to make our beauty and food products safer? Our literal health is at risk, but our ‘leaders’ don’t care because they don’t pay for our health care. They make money off us buying these products and they make money from us getting sick. How do we win?! By taking control of what you consume and allow into your home!

If you want to completely swap out your beauty and food products for healthier cleaner options, the price can be much higher. I try my very best to find the best deal for certain products and other cleaner alternatives, but for the things I cannot replace I just remove them completely from my life. 

For instance, I’ve swapped out my body lotion for organic unrefined coconut oil from the grocery store. However, I stopped my bc completely because I could not find something better for my body and the symptoms were undesirable. It did not feel right that I was stopping my body from doing what it naturally does (even if I wasn’t TTC, processes still happen that bc stops). I don’t recommend this for everyone but praying, monthly tracking, and condoms are alternative options. It’s important to keep in mind that not everyone’s alternatives will look the same or work the same.

Finally, whether you are new to this or are already working on living a cleaner, chemical free lifestyle, I’m glad you’re here. This journey won’t be easy, but community will make it better. I’ve created this blog to be that place where you will find safer products for yourself and share your thoughts and questions. I also write a lot about self-care and self-love because if you don’t incorporate either of those in your life, then you won’t have the motivation or drive to make the necessary changes in your life. It’s more than just swapping out products, you’re choosing your health and future!

Follow along for more content like this 🤍 StrengthScripted.com

xo, J

Sharing a motivational message for you! [ Lifestyle | Wellness ]

You don’t have to have everything figured out. If you didn’t reach a goal you had for yourself, it is not the end of the world. Just pick it up and keep moving. Because why stop there? You gotta keep moving because there is more to life than focusing on the negative. Life is too short, and I know that it’s cliche to say but it really is a reminder we all need. We are losing people every day, more and more people are being diagnosed with disabilities that prevent them from enjoying life, and time is moving faster these days it seems. Don’t settle for mediocre because you deserve so much better. So today I want you to choose to put you first and make the commitment to take better care of yourself. Nurture and invest in yourself so that you can continue growing, healing, and truly living your best life. Implement a new self-care routine for the mornings or weekends, invest in books and courses, join a book club, spend more time outdoors, and do things that bring you real genuine joy. Because again, life is too short to sit around and watch it fly by. 

What are you going to do to this week to create a happier, more fulfilled life?

Share with me in the comments!

I hope this message encourages you to take action on your self-care and mental health this week. Please let me know if I can help you in any way! (Check the contact tab for ways to get in contact with me).

Now go be GREAT!

xo, J

Personal advice on living freely with chronic pain and/or disability.

Of course there are levels of severity when it comes to chronic pain and it can affect everyone differently- the person who is suffering and those around them. There are many challenges when it comes to living with chronic pain such as flare ups, multiple doctor visits, tests & medications, unable to do certain tasks around the house, people getting annoyed by your complaints, doctors not believing your pain levels, the list goes on and I’m sure you can add to the list as well. Not only are you dealing with this pain often, but you have to deal with the side effects as well.

Some things I have learned along the way I would like to share them with you. Although I consider my case minor. I deal with back and neck pain from a car accident, which include random flare ups and muscle spasms, unable to lift heavy things, unable to sit and stand for long periods of time and constantly having to stretch. My advice may or may not help you, but I encourage you to keep an open mind and share this post with a friend who may benefit from this read.

My biggest advice is to journal. Journal around your pain or disability and the narrative around it (the way you talk about the condition to yourself and others). Work on changing the vocabulary you use when you are talking about it and switch to more positive wording. Step out of the victim role and mentality. Instead of saying things like, I can’t do anything I love to do anymore because of the pain, say something like, I know it’s been hard to do the thing I loved to do, but I am doing my best to manage the pain and one day I will be able to enjoy those things even if it’s just a fraction of it. (i.e you loved hiking before your injury, but now it’s hard to get out there, so instead you choose to walk a short distance in a lovely park or trail.) Do your best to find the positive in things. Be sure to make writing affirmations into your journal daily as well. 

Second piece of advice is to be your own advocate to the medical professionals. Educate yourself around your injury or disability, understand which tests are for what, what medications are actually necessary, and when you should seek a second opinion. Speaking up for yourself and asking questions without doubt or fear is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. I am a medical professional so I am always cautious and keep myself well informed when it comes to my health because I will not be a lab rat or allow them to play the guessing game or order unnecessary tests. We must realize that doctors are human like us and can make mistakes so it’s important to be a second set of eyes to overlook your care, but at the same time a lot of medical care is about money. Some doctors will try to bill your insurance, or you, for tests or medications that could be avoided. That’s why it’s important to ask the right questions. If you have someone close with a medical background to help you be a second set of ears, that would be great as well. 

My third piece of advice is for my faith believing friends. Pray! When you pray about what you’re going through, you suddenly don’t feel alone because you know God is listening. Giving your worries, fears, anxieties and doubts to God and leaving them at His feet with full faith that He will indeed take care of you, will release so much pressure and negative feelings from your mind. Whether you pray to God or the universe, you cannot deal with this pain and emotional traumas alone. You have to give someone else the load to carry while you breathe and enjoy the life you have however you can. 

My last piece of advice for now is to try your very best to keep doing the things you love even if it’s not exactly how it used to be or find something new that you enjoy doing.The point here is to enjoy your new life however you can and to keep yourself busy/distracted from focusing on your pain. I notice when I am not doing anything but sitting on the couch, I tend to focus more on the pain I am experiencing so instead I force myself to do something more productive like read a book, get some writing done or call a friend or relative to chat. Feeling sorry for yourself that you can no longer do yxz will only amplify your suffering. Again, let’s change the narrative here! When you are happy and enjoying life however you can, your loved ones surrounding you will notice and it will lift them up as well. Keep a positive attitude as much as you can! 

So that’s it for my top advice for living with chronic pain and/or disability. I hope that you found this post helpful and can incorporate some or all of it into your life. If no one told you lately, I will like to tell you that you are stronger and braver than you think! 

Now go be great!

Xo, J

Reflecting on unnoticed growth. Advice from personal experience. Journal with me!

Growth is so uncomfortable. It really doesn’t feel good. It makes you unsure about your future and worried about changes. It makes you question your own thoughts sometimes and wonder if any of this is worth it. Sometimes you don’t even realize you are going through it, whether that’s mental, emotional or spiritual growth. All you know is that you feel shitty. 

“It’s okay not to be okay as long as you’re not giving up!”

-unknown

Yupp, I think we’ve all been there at some point in our lives. Some of us still don’t recognize growth in our trauma and troubles, but I guarantee you that you came out of that situation, that dark hole, that draining environment, stronger than you even realize. Every event in our lives should be looked at as an opportunity to learn. To learn about perspectives, to learn about your reactions and feelings, to learn about your weaknesses and strengths, to learn about your flaws and be more aware of others’ as well. There’s always a positive in a negative. It’s just a little hard to find sometimes.

We need to congratulate ourselves more often for our big and small wins. Little celebratory dances, night out with friends, a glass of wine, etc. Make your wins obvious to your brain! Remind yourself everyday of how far you have come and how far you will go. It doesn’t matter if you can’t see your next steps or how you will even get to your goals. The path is already created for you, all you have to do is take the first step. Then move on to the next step. Don’t overwhelm yourself thinking too far into the future. You are a much different person than what you were 5 years ago. Because you have grown. A LOT. But did you even notice the growth during those years? Unless you have a good journaling system and practice self-care regularly, you probably didn’t notice much. You also don’t notice that you are currently growing and becoming a whole new person who will be quite different from who you are today. You will continue to change based on your habits, values, priorities and just dealing with life in general!! The important thing to remember is, you are the biggest influence on this change. You are in the driver’s seat.

You waste vital time thinking about the future. Yes, visualizing and manifesting is all good, but taking action is even better if you want to see tangible results. You have to find the time for yourself to do more of what you want to do. Even as a parent, entrepreneur, corporate, business owner, etc. There is at the very least 10-20 minutes that you can take out for yourself every day to take care of you and nurture yourself. Read a book, listen to a podcast, meditate, do some yoga, journal, etc. Whatever it is that brings you peace and sparks your creativity. When you have the opportunity to express your creativity (in any form), you are more likely to feel happiness and fulfillment. And we are all about doing what brings us happiness and filling our cup, because if it’s one thing I know being happy and enjoying life is absolutely a purpose everyone has on this earth.

Don’t you agree?

Here’s a journal prompt for your today… What will you sacrifice today to keep your peace? What will you release control over to improve your mental health and happiness?

Xo, J

Grounding/Earthing. What is grounding? Why do people do it? How does it benefit you?

G R O U N D I N G | E A R T H I N G

When I started grounding, I did not go into it open minded. I thought it was a silly weird thing to do or even to believe it will actually affect you. I was young, always on the go, hanging out all night, work, school, friends, boyfriend, dogs etc. You name it! I was full of stress and anxiety. I didn’t think it changed anything for me besides now my feet are dirty! 

Fast forward to almost three years ago, I was a new mom, doing it all alone while my husband worked long hours, my baby was colic with reflux, my dog passed a month after my son was born, and I was pouring from an empty cup that had a small leak to begin with. I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety and was prescribed medication- which I refused to take. I hated the thought of needing medication to feel like myself (no shame in taking medications though! I’m just more of a natural healer). I was also still (trying) to breastfeed- which was a whole other major stressor for me. I just didn’t feel like medication was right for me. So, I tried finding other ways to help- I attended mom groups and playdates with other moms going through similar things, and I did some research because I felt like there was more that was missing from my life that could help me feel better than what I was feeling. I felt so lost and alone. I felt out of touch with my life. It all felt so different and … painful.  

Along with this technique, I also performed other self-care things as you will read in my other blog posts here, like journaling, yoga, and creating a skin care and hair care routine.

Embrace the beauty of this journey to self-love, growth and healing. Do what feels right for you and then keep doing it.

Grounding was the first thing I learned about when embarking on this spiritual journey. Another name for it is “Earthing” which is when you are electrically reconnecting to Earth through touch. Doing this consistently can help you feel more relaxed, grow to be more authentic to your body and soul and to be open to receiving Earth’s nourishing energy. Grounding also helps you be more present, feel secure in your own skin and in your life, gives you better sleep, reduces pain, inflammation and stress as well as improves your immunity by neutralizing the free radicals in your body (which are created by some type of infection or inflammation in the body, stress or toxic environment). 

You are literally connecting with Earth and it’s actually providing you with incredible benefits!

How to effectively ground yourself physically is to go outside bare feet and just stand, walk or even lay down on the ground. It can be grass, stone, sand, or dirt! It’s even possible to keep your socks on because they are conductive and will still transmit the Earth’s healing energy through to you. Be open minded and ready to accept what Earth has to give to you.

Spiritual grounding is another game changer- some of which can actually fall into the self-care category!! You may already be doing it!

Some ways that I ground spiritually- which brings me physical and emotional balance is:

  • Clean food & lots of water- Lots of green foods!
  • Yoga and exercise- I follow what my body needs and wants. Some days I skip if I need a day off. But be sure to identify when you need a day off and when you need some more motivation.
  • Spend time with my house plants and garden. I really love planting new seeds- THAT’S where the magic happens (to see the growth from a seedling to full bloom) but caring for my plants daily has honestly added so much to my life.
  • Meditation – I usually do this first thing in the morning for 5-10 minutes and again at night if I feel I can benefit from it. (I incorporate this after I do my journaling & mind dump)
  • Salt baths- Epsom salt is great (especially for any swelling or inflammation) as well as Himalayan salt. 
  • Go out in nature! A quiet walk, hike, or just sitting outdoors and clear you mind and completely immerse yourself into the sounds, smells and sights of nature.
  • Eat chocolate!!! Yes, you read that right! Chocolate! But don’t run to the store and buy every chocolate bar and eat your heart out. It has to be raw organic chocolate! Dark chocolate is the next best thing.
  • Breathwork! This one is new to me, but I have instantly felt the results after each session. Who would’ve known that our breathing can affect us so much! Seriously check out Sam Skelley on Instagram or listen to her podcast or just search breathwork on YouTube.

So how do you feel about Grounding/Earthing now? Are you open to trying it? Have you already done it? Share your story with me! Or share this with a friend who may benefit from it!

xo, J

Journal entry rambles. Some motivation, encouragement and prayer for you!

I’m sharing with you a part of my journal entry.

I hope it will help you like it has helped me. Even if it’s just for today.

Sometimes we wonder how we even got here in the first place. Do we even deserve any of this? Why are things the way they are and why can’t we control more of our surroundings? Life is crazy. It goes up and down and loves to take sudden twists and turns. You learn, laugh and cry along the way. You feel pain and joy. Happiness and sadness. You pray and hope for your desires and dreams to come to life. You do your best to take care of those around you. And life continues to go on. Sometimes what we want doesn’t happen. We don’t get the job we wanted, the client we hoped to sign, the right price on the car you wanted to buy. Things don’t always go the way we want. Or so we thought. Sometimes we have to look beyond our foremost thoughts and change our perceptions. Open your eyes and actually look around you. Are the things you have prayed for actually not there? Or are they just disguised or hidden? Maybe they are there but you are just too distracted by life stressors and focused on the other things you want in the moment?

Have you taken a moment to really appreciate life in full? Have you taken a moment to remove any toxicity and negativity to make room for those blessings? Remember when you prayed for a car and now look at you. Remember when you prayed for the clothing and accessories you have now? The new tech gadgets to keep you connected to friends and family? What about the roof over your head? Good food? More money? Loving spouse? Friendships? More connections? Inner peace? Clear skin? New skills? Healthy growing hair? Your green thumb? Confidence? Ambition? Motivation? Do you remember praying and hoping for any of this several years ago? You have certainly come a long way. Maybe it wasn’t the exact path you wanted.

Sometimes we forget that God comes through on His time and with His plan.

But we also tend to be distracted by everything else. Nowadays everything is moving so fast that we are always focused on the next thing, the next want. That we never really appreciate the good things we have now. Of course, not everything is perfect!! You may be living with a narcissistic spouse, but you get to stay home with your kids in a big house, have all of your bills paid, a nice car, money to play with while building your own business. Or you may be working with a coworker who you cannot stand with a passion, but you enjoy your time with the clients you work with at your dream job. It’s vital to find the good in situations and remember that everything is temporary (for the most part). Your current living situation won’t be the same forever, so try to enjoy the moments you can!! Find the good in every situation you face and find comfort in knowing that your life won’t be the same forever, things will change and keep moving. You will heal and move forward with life. With faith in God, everything will be okay. You just have to keep going, keep praying and keep your faith high. Even when times feel so hard that you can’t keep doing it, drop to your knees and give your burdens to God to handle then release it. Find comfort in knowing that he is working even when you think he has forgotten. He has not and will never forget. Have faith that God will take care of it. 

Now, take a deep breath and blowwww out anything heavy you are holding on to. Release it all in that forceful blow of air. Take another deep breath and release. Everything is working in your favor even if it doesn’t seem like so.

Now go be great!

xo, J

Dealing with difficult family members. Where do we set the boundary? When do we cut people off?

An open communication about toxic dynamics and putting yours and your family’s mental health & happiness first. Let’s get into it!

Everyone has a difficult relative or three. No family is perfect and that’s totally normal. But there is a point where you need to set healthy boundaries for these relatives in order to keep your mental health in check and happiness as a priority. Let me tell you, this is not an easy thing to do whatsoever and feelings may get hurt, but it’s necessary! You cannot let toxic people keep draining you just because they are family. You shouldn’t have to continue seeing and interacting with someone who makes you feel shitty or bad in any kind of way just because they are family. In my book you must earn the title- blood or not.

However, what about if it’s the children in your family that are the difficult ones? Personally, it’s easy for me to cut off an adult from my life if they’re affecting my (or my child’s) happiness and wellbeing in a negative manner or if they are constantly draining me mentally and taking but never giving. But children? I’ve never really had to deal with this so I’m very torn right now. Okay, let me explain. 

I have a niece and nephew (10 and 13 years old) who had and still have a tough upbringing which involved physical abuse. I even tried to adopt them and raise them on my own to provide a better life for them, but the parents didn’t want to give them up although they couldn’t provide for these children whatsoever. There were other children in each parent’s house from the step parents. (my brother and his girlfriend and her children. My brother’s ex and her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s children.) Very blended toxic families. All of these children deserve so much better than what they are receiving. However, that isn’t the point. The point is that because of the rough upbringing, these kids behave in a way that is “expected” from abused children who had to share every single thing with other kids, were hit on a daily basis, didn’t have much toys or anything for themselves, etc. They have bad attitudes, awful language & tone when speaking to others, very little patience, no respect for other adults, never wanting to share what they have, tantrums if they don’t get their way, etc. Not saying every abused child acts this way, some who weren’t abused behave this way! But I’m just saying this is what I have observed from them. It sucks and I really wish it was different. As an adult, I can deal with them and correct them in a loving way which isn’t a problem for me. I know these children need guidance and all the love they can get. But the problem I am having is having my 5 year old son around them. 

My son is growing up in a much different way than my niece and nephew. We do a mix of gentle parenting, we talk respectfully to each other, respect each other’s feelings, we are kind and caring. My son is the sweetest, gentlest kid who’s big on expressing his emotions and he loves talking to other people and kids. He’s a huge talker! I’m very selective with the cartoons my son watches, the types of things he’s exposed to, etc. I homeschool him so I have a lot more control of his environment which is awesome because I can protect him from things my parents couldn’t protect me from. I was bullied many times throughout my school years, but the bullying first happened by my cousins. Our parents called it harmless playing, but the mean things they have said and done to me has affected my childhood and even adulthood greatly, but no one wants to talk about it. Sometimes our family is our first bully in life which really sucks. Your family ‘should be’ your go-to. The ones that will always share some kind words with you, be a listening ear or just enjoy time together, etc. So when your family treats you a certain way that’s hurtful, that cuts deep!!

So the issue I am having is, bringing my son around my niece and nephew. The last few times we spent the day together it was always filled with unnecessary meanness and bad attitudes. They don’t have much patience for my son, don’t listen to him talk (because they’re glued to their phones or doing something else or literally don’t care, yes they’re that cold), they never want to actually play with him (they end up taking the toy, remote, etc. and not giving him a turn), they answer him in such mean ways, etc. For instance, my son was talking to my niece about his password on his tablet, and she responded, “I don’t care!!” to my son. Then my son plays his favorite song on his tablet and my nephew says to him, “Turn that off, no one wants to hear that!!” Mind you, my son is so innocent he doesn’t catch these attitudes right now, but I’m certain he soon will. I absolutely do not want to normalize these behaviors to my son. I teach my son to treat everyone with kindness and love. I don’t want to wait until he notices these behaviors and attitudes and it starts hurting his feelings, to do something about it. I always monitor their interactions and correct the kids when necessary, but I absolutely hate having to be on guard constantly watching the kids making sure they aren’t saying anything mean or inappropriate. I want my son to be able to hang out with his cousins and have fun (like he does with his other cousins who are also older than him!). I understand the age difference, but these kids are fully capable of playing games everyone can join in on because his other cousins do. It’s coming to a point where I don’t even want to bring my son around these kids because it’s constant abuse from them, but I also don’t want him to not have a relationship with his cousins! They’re my brother’s kids! I only have one sibling so it’s really just us and it hurts me so much that things are like this right now!!!! I’ve talked to my niece and nephew and explained better ways of talking to each other and how my son is a little more sensitive than they are, etc. I give them examples of how to say things in a nicer way, or I will ask them to please try to play with my son. I’m met with rebuttals as to why they talk like this or eye rolls and attitudes. You can’t correct a child’s behavior if they don’t see anything wrong with it and if their parents or guardians aren’t enforcing it at home. (I’m not talking 5 year old children, I’m talking 10+ year olds). These kids don’t respect what I have to say. I’m at a point in my life where I am so tired of drama and issues that I really keep to myself and am quick to just cut someone out of my life. But these are children!! Children who don’t really understand life. It’s not their fault. But is it my responsibility to change them or ‘save them’?! I’ve tried! But now I have my own son to worry about and my own life issues. I don’t have the emotional or mental capacity to take on this burden. And I really don’t mean to call these kids burdens because they’re not, but their behaviors are! It’s just weighing really heavy on my chest right now and I really needed to get this out.

I’m not really sure of my intention behind this post, whether it was giving advice to others to set healthy boundaries with difficult family members or if I myself needed advice on this. Either way, I hope something I said benefitted you in some way. And if you have some advice or thoughts on my situation with my niece and nephew please feel free to leave a comment. Maybe a different perspective could help! Let’s create open discussions on this blog together!

Thanks so much for reading through my rant and I hope your week is fabulous and full of love and creativity!!

xo, J

Creating the life you desire. How do you bring more happiness, peace, and positivity to your life?

How do you find happiness in the midst of chaos? We know that happiness comes from inside… but it is so hard to not allow other people around you to affect your happiness. Especially if they are very negative people with bad energy or if they treat you poorly and make you feel awful about yourself. It’s hard to not believe something if someone is constantly repeating it to you.Your environment plays a big role in your happiness and mindset.

The way you speak to yourself is SO vital in combating any negativity that has entered your mind. Speak positively to yourself all the time! When you find yourself thinking ugly thoughts about yourself immediately distract that thought with something else. That is not really YOU talking so you have full permission to shut that voice up. It’s taking valuable head space away from you. So make sure you are “washing” those negative thoughts away with positive thoughts and change the narrative.

I heard this analogy before and I love it so if you’re a visual person like myself you may find it useful. Think of your brain like a cup of clear water. When dirty water (negative thoughts) gets inside it starts to cloud the clean cup of water. So in order to get that water clean again, you have to pour clean water (positive thoughts & self talk, inspiration etc) into the cup as many times as you need to to flush that dirty water out. Same with your brain. You watch a few upsetting videos on social media, now you feel a bit down. Ever notice that? Sometimes you can even feel it in your body! That’s when it’s your job to step in and fill your mind with other things that will make you feel happy, strong, ambitious, etc. 

When you make a mistake, be more understanding!! Instead of calling yourself “stupid for not doing xyz” or “so selfish and careless for forgetting that thing.” Try spinning it around. Instead say, “it stinks I forgot xyz but no worries next time I will find a way to remind myself better.”

Just like when you are trying to change something about yourself, like I mentioned in previous blog posts, it’s a mindset game – you repeat it to yourself until you believe it for yourself. This goes for both positive and negative things. If you are constantly saying, “I’m broke”… guess who will most likely stay that way? Same goes for if someone is constantly telling you how “worthless” you are- even if you don’t want to admit it or maybe you don’t even realize, but that sits in your subconscious mind and it will manifest.

Talking down to yourself after a mistake doesn’t correct the mistake and it most likely won’t prevent another one. You have to forgive yourself! There might be a reason you’ve been so forgetful lately (lack of sleep, stress, etc.) or a reason why you have no energy to get all the things done (no self-care, burning out, overwhelm etc.). It’s important to pay attention to your body and the signs your body tries to give you.

Be more mindful next time you are on social media, chatting with a friend or relative that likes to gossip, etc and think about how you feel afterwards. Do you feel some joy? Energized in some way? Sad and unmotivated? Are the negative thoughts you had during that time still in your mind for a few hours after or maybe the rest of the day? Once you realize what you feed your mind has control over how you feel and your mood then YOU have the power.

You are in control of the company you keep. You are in control of the shows and videos you watch. You are in control of what music you listen to. All of these influences are outside, but are still in your control- so be very mindful of this. Create a life you desire, whether that’s full of positivity, surrounded by great people, etc. Take the actions to start manifesting it. If you want to be surrounded by kind people, put yourself in positions to meet these kinds of people. Join a book club, go golfing, go to museums, find a church that vibes with you etc. If you want more positivity in your life then cater to that. Tweak your social media timelines and accounts you follow to show things that bring you happiness, joy and laughter, write affirmations and positive quotes on sticky notes and hang them around your home or create a wallpaper for your phone with these affirmations and quotes. Simple acts like these can be more beneficial than you realize. 

Journal prompt:

What kind of life do you want to create for yourself?

Forgiving and healing your hurt inner child. Personal experiences.

There is no secret formula or pill you can take to make all your childhood traumas (and other traumas) disappear like they’ve never happened. I wish, for everyone’s sake, there was. Everyone’s journey is unique to them so no two people will share the exact same path to healing. Healing happens within and is catered to you and your emotions, mindset, and environment, etc. There are so many moving factors, and some things may work now and stop working in the future and that’s okay!! It’s totally normal because your healing journey is supposed to evolve. It shouldn’t be linear because we are complex humans with complex emotions. So don’t freak out if there is a change to your coping habits and healing techniques. The best thing you can do for yourself is to continue learning. Research! Research! Research! Read books, blogs, talk to professionals, join support groups (in person or online). Gather knowledge on what you need to help your healing journey continuously improve. You cannot learn everything from one person or one post or book or podcast episode. However, you can gain so much by hearing other people’s healing journeys because you might learn something that you can incorporate into your life that can really help change things for the better, which is what I hope to achieve with this blog. It’s small actions that make big differences!!! And this doesn’t only pertain to healing from traumas relating to your childhood- it can be any trauma you have endured in life.

I am at the beginning of healing from my childhood traumas. It seems like a new one pops up every time I think I’m making progress, which only means that I am learning more and more about myself, which is a good thing. It’s crazy how certain things that happen in your childhood can have such a huge impact on your adult self. From the choices you make, the way you think, your self-esteem, what triggers you, your behavior during conflict, and even causes mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. This could all be prevented and/or treated with the right help and awareness,

As always, please please please seek professional help from a therapist or psychologist when needed!! Sometimes when we are uncovering traumas and attempting to heal from them, it can be very triggering and emotional and hard to deal with at times. So please have someone you can call if you feel like you are feeling a little out of control! 

It is NOT your fault. It was never your fault. You were never to blame regardless of what happened or what anyone said. You were meant to be here. You have a purpose in this world even if you have no clue what that purpose is now. You may be fulfilling it without even knowing. It’s important to remove all blame off of you when you begin this journey. You need to forgive yourself for things you had no control over.

Journaling will help you uncover your traumas, deep truths, and heal.

Journaling will be life changing for you! Even if you aren’t healing your inner child or other traumas. The way you approach journaling is vital. Your intention behind it is important as well as how you write. The goal is not to keep a day-to-day diary of what you did. You want to write about your emotions, the traumas, why you act the way you do, why you behave the way you do, how you picture your life to be, how you want your days to actually look like, the goals you want to accomplish, etc. You want to be as honest as possible when you are writing and DO NOT stop yourself from writing something you maybe don’t believe because there is truth in there. Just allow yourself to freely write. After you’ve got it all out, shift the narrative to a positive one. You are becoming a happier person, you do love the way you look, you can be in crowded places, you are on the path to becoming free from your abuser, you are healing every day. Whatever your story is!! Just start journaling! (Check out my other blog posts where I talk more about journaling and how it has helped me tremendously) 

One piece of important advice I could give you is to not keep circling around the “should of’s.” Don’t bury yourself in resentments and regrets. You didn’t know what you do now so you cannot blame yourself for making certain choices or going through certain situations. You were doing the best you could. What you can do is find a lesson or something positive from every situation no matter the circumstance. You either came out stronger, wiser, more resilient, confident, loving, caring, motivated, etc. SOMETHING. You have to try your best to find the good in things. Shift your perspective. Sometimes it’s easier to understand things from another point of view. 

Acknowledge your pain and hurt. Your feelings and emotions are valid, and you absolutely did not deserve what you went through. Don’t suppress your feelings anymore or try to distract yourself from these feelings. That’s not healing anything. Feel them, process them, and release them. I personally release my burdens and struggles at the feet of our Lord. That gives me great comfort. However, you can do other actions that can feel cleansing or as a way of detoxing. Allow yourself to cry. Ugly cry, scream, punch a pillow. Let yourself release the emotions that have been suppressed for so long. Once you get it out or before you even finish, jump in a hot shower. Imagine the water washing away the hurt, the anguish, the suffering, the negative thoughts, all of it, down the drain. Imagine the shower cleansing you of all of your pain and traumas and watch it go down the drain. Finish the last 10 seconds of your shower with cold water. This physical act can bring you some comfort on your healing journey, there are other things you can do as well, but this is a start.

Like I said before, it’s little actions every day that accumulate and compound into bigger results. Little acts of love to yourself will go a long way on this journey. The path to healing is long and ever evolving, but you don’t have to be fully healed to be happy, to be loved, to love or to grow and succeed. Don’t let your traumas stop you from being the best version you can be. These traumas don’t define you nor do they define your future. You can heal and grow at the same time. You can be healing and still feel happiness. These things can coexist with each other. So be easy on yourself. Your soul is fragile and needs lots of love from you. 

I’m here if you want to talk. Email is always open for you.

xo, J

Personal reflections: Living, dealing and healing from a drug addicted and/or alcoholic parent.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this one because it’s still so fresh… My father is still currently battling alcoholism and has since I was a baby. I’ve begged him to stop drinking since I was a child. By the age of 16 I knew there was nothing I could do or say that would make my dad stop drinking and using drugs. I was a daddy’s girl and was very protective over my dad which caused me to enable him. I would say things like, “Yes dad, have a beer, but only one.” “Please don’t sniff that line dad, just have some beer instead.” But I also have to remember that regardless of if I gave him ‘permission’ to drink or not, he will find a way to do what he wants. There were times where he lived with me (as an adult), and I had rules to how drunk he could get because I have had enough of dealing with my drunk father growing up. I want to help him, but I also have to protect my mental health as well. Knowing damn well that having my alcoholic father live with me while he still abuses alcohol and drugs was never good for my mental health to begin with, but there was no way I would allow my dad to be homeless. He has been in and out of rehab and only lasted several months before he relapsed and went back to his old ways. Nothing was going to stop my dad until he wanted to or until he was forced. I want to mention that my dad is an army veteran with PTSD and other mental health issues like depression and anxiety, so he turns to alcohol to numb his pain and wash away his worries. He realizes that it’s only a temporary fix, so he decides to start drinking from the time he wakes up until he goes back to sleep. Like clockwork.

It took me a while to realize that I was enabling my dad, but I felt like out of all the crap people in my dad’s life that take advantage of him and never help him out, I felt like my dad needed someone like me in his life. This was how I felt. He knows he can always come to me because I have nothing but love for him. Yes he has hurt me a lot with his addictions, but I have forgiven him and his illness because he too has had a hard upbringing. We have to remember that our parents also had a childhood and a life before us. Unhealed, our childhood traumas follow us into adulthood. I try to picture people as a child to understand them better. Everyone needs someone with some empathy in them to understand just a glimpse of our lives and traumas. Sometimes an abuser just needs to know they aren’t alone, that they do have something to live for and that someone in this world does love them.

My dad has continued to try to get clean. He has significantly reduced his drug use over the years, but alcoholism has continued to haunt him. He has realized that his drinking is starting to affect his body and organs. Right now he is dealing with several medical issues associated with his drinking and unhealthy living habits. With the help, guidance and love of God and reading the bible, my dad has put in a real effort to change his life around. He doesn’t want to hit rock bottom again and lose everything like he did 12 years ago. He has worked too hard and I believe God still has a purpose for him here because of everything terrible he has gone through, he is still alive. Recently my dad has had a major surgery and is scheduled for another surgery in a month. He now has no choice but to stop drinking and abusing his vessel that God has blessed him with. 

I’ve learned from dealing with my dad that either they will decide to stop drinking or it will be decided for them one way or another. We have to remember that we cannot force our parents or loved one to stop drinking and using drugs if they do not want to put the work in to actually quit and fight temptations. We also have to remember that it isn’t our fault they are like this and that this disease is not truly who they are. They are a different person under the influence. They are hurt and broken inside and are finding a way to numb it. Many won’t admit, some will acknowledge it. It’s important to protect your mental health and energy and remind yourself that they do love you under all of the rage of alcohol and/or drugs. I am still healing from the trauma around my dad’s alcoholism and drug addiction. All we can continue doing is pray to God that he will save them and guide them onto the right path to Him. Leave all of your burdens at God’s feet and watch Him work

I hope someone reading this that is dealing with something similar can take something away from this post. I don’t have it figured out and the only psychology background I have is some college classes. I just wanted to share my personal opinions and reflections I’ve made over many years of living with this. Thank you for reading 🤍

The signs your body gives when its had enough. It’s time to listen and shift your mindset.

The thing about always putting others needs first and going through life without healing from all the trauma you have been through, you neglect yourself more than you realize and your whole self will feel it so deeply. Many of us can’t even put a name to it or even pinpoint why you feel so damn shitty all the time no matter what you do or how much sleep you get. You’re always tired, irritable, easily triggered, uneasy, stressed, anxiety riddled and may even be having physical symptoms like back pain, headaches, acne or even stomach discomfort (nausea, poop issues). Yessss self neglect can show up in many ways!!!!! It’s a snowball effect. Your body starts showing you that something isn’t right within you by messing with your moods or causing more anxiety than usual.

When we continue living life ignoring these symptoms of your body’s cry for help, they begin to grow and evolve inside you and show up in other ways like making you super irritable at your kids, husband or friends then you start experiencing headaches or stomach pains on a weekly basis now. Like seriously we need to stop living our lives putting all of our needs on the back burner because of all that is expected of us.

So what can we do to begin releasing and restoring ourselves?

There’s too much picture perfect filtered image that people paint for us that it makes it too easy to compare our lives to. We need to put the phone down and look in the mirror. Tell yourself how beautiful, strong and blessed you are and all other affirmations you need to hear. Do this daily! Then make yourself a cup of coffee and tea then pick up your journal and pen and start writing!! Allow yourself to write anything that comes to mind, even if you don’t believe it right now. Release all your fears and hopes and dreams into your journal. When you’re done you can sort your fears into the right category in your mind. Not all of your fears are rational but sometimes your mind will fully believe them. You literally have to shift the narrative in your journal to embed it into your mind. Instead of saying,” I’m so inconsistent.” Try, “I am working on becoming more consistent every day. I’m so glad that I have created a schedule to help me become more consistent” or “I’m so thankful that I can feel myself becoming more motivated to continue my consistency.” Your brain can’t really determine the truth from a lie, but it will believe what you write and think. So when you journal or while you allow your mind to drift into your thoughts- make sure you are controlling the narrative you are telling yourself.

As long as you continue caring what people think of you, it will forever eat you alive. People’s negative image of you has more to do with themselves more than anything. They see things in you they wish they had, you are doing things they wish they could, and you carry yourself in a way they could never. Don’t forget who tf you are. Focus on your self care, personal development and bettering yourself in every way.

Listen, God made every part of you PERFECT to His standards and we need to learn to love all of it. We only get one body, one mind, one soul, one life. Let’s love every part and rejoice in God’s blessings!! He is the only opinion that should matter to us!

Now go be great!

xo, J